Welcome to The Week's "What Next?" contest, an invitation to test your powers of imagination with challenges inspired by current events.
Results: In light of high fructose corn syrup petitioning to change its name to corn sugar, we asked you to predict the next questionable food item to change its moniker. You dished out:
FIRST PRIZE: Extra Virgin Pork Oil (formerly: lard)
Ann Myers, Omaha, NE
SECOND PLACE: Sun-Dried Sea Spice (formerly: salt)
Bill Harriot, Fort Washington, MD
THIRD PLACE: Barley Juice (formerly: beer)
Lee Humphreys, Ithaca, NY
Sarah White, Scarsdale, NY
Salt: Cubic Salconia
Charles Gaston, Lancaster, PA
Mark Uhlig, Oakland Township, MI
Trans Fats: Alternative Lifestyle Lipids
Bill Dorner, Indianapolis
Trans Fats: Fats Without a Home
Victor Tanner, Waseca, MN
Trans Fat: Frisco
Richard Koretz, Kenwood, CA.
Nancy Heyen, McCalla, AL
Les Ackland, Coraopolis, PA
Tim Hosman, Cambria, CA
MSG: Mom’s Special Garnish
Sallie Greene, San Francisco
Scrapple: Working Man’s Kobe Loaf
Robert E Mattes Jr., Cherry Hill, NJ
Soy Milk: Legume Cider
Eric Sibelius, Durango, CO
Margarine: Virtual Butter
Paula Hill, Fayetteville, AR
Butter: Sunshine Spread
Kristy Rimwood, Owings Mills, MD
Alcohol: Aged Sugar
William D. Boye, Gladstone, NJ
Big Mac: Appropriate Size Mac
Doug Roberts, Lawndale, CA
TV Dinners: Frozen Flat Screen Nutrition
Stephanie Storck, Lebanon, PA
Head Cheese: President Loaf!
Bob Fiato, Rensselaer, NY
Spotted Dick: Anything Else.
Jeffrey Contompasis, Ashburn, VA
THE WEEK'S AUDIOPHILE PODCASTS: LISTEN SMARTER
- After Ferguson: Stop deferring to the cops
- Ferguson riots were terrible — but this racist reaction was worse
- 43 TV shows to watch in 2014
- The hilarious hypocrisy of Republicans complaining about the imperial presidency
- Is it now OK to have sex with animals?
- In Ferguson, Michael Brown lost his life — and America's police lost the benefit of the doubt
- Don't argue about politics this Thanksgiving. Just don't.
- How to be the most productive person in your office — and still get home by 5:30 p.m.
- 7 grammar rules you really should pay attention to
- Alien conspiracy theorists think the government is on the verge of spilling big secrets
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