Welcome to The Week's "What Next?" contest, an invitation to test your powers of imagination with challenges inspired by current events.
Results: In light of New York City’s bans on trans-fats, school bake sales, and, soon, outdoor smoking in crowded public places, we asked you to predict a headline detailing the city’s next decree.
THE WINNER: NYC Shuts Down Early to Make Sure Residents Get 8 Hours of Sleep
Tim Kane, Rochester, MN
SECOND PLACE: City Bans Red Sox Fans from Parks, Beaches, Plazas, and Other Public Gathering Places
Sagy Pundak Mintz, Lincolnshire, IL
THIRD PLACE: Big Apple Bans Big Apples, Cites Link between Large Portions & Obesity Epidemic
Marianne Kenny, Berlin, MA
City to Ban Superhero Musicals
Barry Cutler, Palm Desert, CA
King Kong Banned from Empire State Building without Permit
Alan Parven, Commerce Township, MI
The Bronx? No Thonx! Outer Boroughs Sent Packing
Edmund Conti, Raleigh, NC
Central Park Muggers to Require License
Eric J. Softley, Palm City, FL
NYC Bans Public Eye Contact
Joe Snyder, West Grove, PA
Salt & Fat Content Too Troubling: City Council Bans Olives from Martinis
Mary Eggleston, Wilmington, N.C.
Poor, Huddled Masses Declared a Health Risk
Jill Gardere, Jacksonville Beach, FL
Poultry in Motion! Pigeons Banned from NYC
Les Ackland, Oakdale, PA
New York Sets Minimum Walking Speed
Wes Edens, Glendale, AZ
Public Gets Revenge: Mayor Bloomberg Banned From Disgracing Beer with Ice Cubes
Rebecca Pierson, Hoboken, NJ
NYC Installs GAWK/DON'T GAWK Signals for Pokey Tourists
Jean MacKay Jackson, Tulsa
Step Right Up... to The Scale: Subway Fares to be Weight-Based
Cheryl Hostler, Kent, OH
Bloomberg Bans Muggings on Weekends
Phil Markert, Columbia, S.C.
NYC Bans Men from Imagining Their Female Co-Workers Naked
Philip White, Flushing, NY
Public Forbidden from Hand-Feeding the NY Yankees
Diane Bilardello-Linton, San Diego, CA
Bloomberg to NY: Drip Dead! Bans High-Caffeine Coffee.
Sid Burgreen, Garden City, NY
Mayor Proposes Helmet Law for Pedestrians
Melanie Seward, Oklahoma City, OK
NY Bans Body-Dumping in East River, Worldwide Sea Levels Drop 2 Feet
Angela James, Westminster, MD
Silly City Stereotypes Banned in NY, So Fugetaboudit!!
Mike Paul, Carrboro, NC
Closing the Loophole: NYC Bans Smoking Baked Trans-fats at Indoor Beaches
Paul Kim, Covington, LA
THE WEEK'S AUDIOPHILE PODCASTS: LISTEN SMARTER
- How to be the most productive person in your office — and still get home by 5:30 p.m.
- 43 TV shows to watch in 2014
- How liberals are unwittingly paving the way for the legalization of adult incest
- Watch out, China — America is working on dogfighting drones
- How the Simpsons/Family Guy crossover revealed the worst of both shows
- Libertarianism's terrible, horrible, no good, very bad idea
- Why you probably don't have Ebola — even if you shook hands with America's 'patient zero'
- Ted Cruz is the new Sarah Palin
- 6 things the happiest families all have in common
- Why America won't have enough money to battle ISIS
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