Will he or won't he? For weeks, the question hung over Donald Trump's comb-over. And now — drumroll — the answer: He won't. On Monday, the real estate tycoon, reality TV star, and birther evangelist released a statement saying that he would not run for president, a decision that follows his lucrative new deal with NBC to continue Celebrity Apprentice. "I maintain the strong conviction that if I were to run, I would be able to win the primary and ultimately, the general election," Trump said. "Ultimately, however, business is my greatest passion and I am not ready to leave the private sector." Naturally, Trump's big news (and the assertion that he would have won) has commentators cracking wise. Here, a sampling of wit:
The sad truth
"Donald Trump has just shocked the world by announcing that his extended media campaign for NBC's Celebrity Apprentice was little more than an extended media campaign for NBC's Celebrity Apprentice," says Dennis DiClaudio at Comedy Central's Indecision blog.
Like never before
"From his debut as a pseudo-candidate at the Conservative Political Action Committee in February to... his becoming a stone-faced national laughingstock at the White House Correspondents Dinner, Trump demonstrated a level of jackassery heretofore unknown, even in national politics," says Joshua Green at The Atlantic.
So much abuse
This is a clear admission by Trump "that his butt really hurts when it gets kicked this hard," says Josh Marshall at Talking Points Memo, referring to Trump's polling collapse, charges of racism, and other recent falls from grace.
What might have been...
"Sadly, this means an end to so many things I looked forward to seeing, like the sight of Donald Trump in an actual political debate against actual seasoned political debaters," says Jason Linkins at The Huffington Post. "Also, isn't it a pity that we shall be denied the opportunity of watching Trump's political ads?"
"So many emotions, so many feelings, so many unanswered questions come to mind at this time," says Bess Levin at Dealbreaker. "Chief among them being: 1) Who will Gary Busey throw his support to now, after his endorsement (and acronym/slogan/Buseyism: T(aking) R(edirection), U(nderstanding) M(assive) P(ower)) has been wasted?"
The Trump will rise again
"We are saddened to see him go, and sadder still that we know he'll be back," says Juli Weiner at Vanity Fair.
THE WEEK'S AUDIOPHILE PODCASTS: LISTEN SMARTER
- How academia's liberal bias is killing social science
- 43 TV shows to watch in 2014
- How to be the most productive person in your office — and still get home by 5:30 p.m.
- Why the Sony hack changes everything
- Hey, bosses: Stop giving bonuses to your employees
- What would a U.S.-Russia war look like?
- Why torture doesn't work: A definitive guide
- Alien conspiracy theorists think the government is on the verge of spilling big secrets
- You should be furious about Hollywood's gutless retreat on The Interview
Subscribe to the Week