Welcome to The Week's "What Next?" contest, an invitation to test your powers of imagination with challenges inspired by current events.
Last week's question: Author Jonathan Franzen is sounding the alarm that digital books may open the door to Orwellian censorship, since without ink on paper, they are much easier for some central authority to edit or rewrite. We asked you to supply a line or title from a famous book that smacks of government alteration.
THE WINNER: When Gregor Samsa woke up one morning from some unsettling dreams, he found himself changed into a severely conservative Republican.
Ed Markarian, Santa Monica, CA
SECOND PLACE: Quote the raven: "Spend some more."
Wendy Kriendler, Tucson, AZ
THIRD PLACE: The Origin of the Species by Means of Intelligent Design
John Besnard, Irvine, CA
The Joy of Procreation
Anne Scott, Denver, CO
Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn about the very poor.
Newell Walls, Tallahassee, FL
The 99% doth protest too much.
Aaron Carlson, Rochester, MN
I need to depend less on the kindness of strangers.
Dick LaVine, New York, NY
We the corporations of the United States...
Sally Morgan, Edmond, OK
We're gonna need a bigger committee.
Jim Topper, Turtle Creek, PA
It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune should be taxed at the highest bracket.
Susie Becker, San Rafael, CA
It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a tax break.
Caroline Kirk, Winona, MN
Let me tell you about the very rich. They are better than you and me.
Stephen Mattson, Los Osos, CA
A person's a person no matter how small. We've tapped your phone and hear every call.
Barbara James, Bedford, MA
Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins — does your health plan cover contraception?
Cali Preston, Perry Hall, MC
As a Higher Power — which may or may not exist — as my witness, I'll never be hungry again!
Thomas Albert, Los Angeles, CA
It was the best of times — Obama was president — it was the worst of times, which was all Bush's fault.
Bob Dalton, Arlington VA
It was the best of times, it was the best-er of times.
Adam Shapiro, River Vale, NJ
A Series of Unfortunate Events Caused by Selfish Rich People
Chris Call, Santa Rosa, CA
To Kill a Muckraker
BJ Fogg, Stanford, CA
The Newt Testament
Helen Drake, Larkspur, CA
How Green Is Your Valley?
Mary Holz, Santa Maria, CA
Kenneth R. Updegrove, Cedaredge, CO
The Old Man and the Death Panel
Lisanne Temeles, State College, PA
2020: The Settlement on the Moon Odyssey
Edmund Conti, Raleigh, NC
Big Brother is definitely not watching you.
Ryan O'Leary, South Bend, KN
THE WEEK'S AUDIOPHILE PODCASTS: LISTEN SMARTER
- Why the West should let Russia have eastern Ukraine
- The amazing resurrection of Mitt Romney
- What would a U.S.-Russia war look like?
- The dangers of our passionless American life
- Why you should stop believing in evolution
- The essential techniques that every home cook should know
- 7 grammar rules you really should pay attention to
- 4 strategies for organizing your money, based on your personality
- Even critics of the euro didn't see this coming
- The real reason conservatives should be outraged that police killed a white youth
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