Welcome to The Week's "What Next?" contest, an invitation to test your powers of imagination with challenges inspired by current events.
Last week's question: A car bearing the bumper sticker, “Why am I the only person the on the planet who knows how to drive?” ran into a guardrail, flipped over, and left the driver with non-life-threatening injuries, including embarrassment. We asked you to come up with the second-dumbest bumper sticker someone could possibly affix to his or her car.
THE WINNER: I am the One Percent!
Deb Matthews, Dunwoody, GA
SECOND PLACE: If You Are Close Enough to Read This, Get Your Ugly Motorcycle Gang Away From My Car
Joel Greenspan, Atlanta, GA
THIRD PLACE: No Police Raises!
Steven L. Rosenhaus, Forest Hills, NY
Joe (Hollis) Nichols, Lake Wylie, SC
How's My Texting?
Mandy Smith, Cincinnati, OH
How's My Driving? Text 1-800-555-1234
Clare Slager, Zeeland, MI
Ask me about my contraband.
Dallas Lea, Poughkeepsie, NY
Honk if You Love Goldman Sachs
Adam Turteltaub, Encino, CA
Honk if You Like My Driving
Daniel Garden, Flushing, NY
Honk If You're Texting
Liz Schruender, San Diego, CA
Quit Honking —I Can't Hear My Phone!
Bob Setterberg, Portland, OR
Real Drivers Multi-task :)
Wendy LaBounty, Pleasant Hill, CA
If This Van’s Rockin', It Probably Means My Captive Has Loosened His Restraints
Larry Brown, Waterloo, ON
My Son Had Perfect Attendance, 1991-2001, at Fulsom State
Charlie Hall, Orangevale, CA
Driver Carries More Than $100 in Cash
David Hall, Pittsfield, MA
Got a Bottle Opener?
Frank Morra, New York, NY
If You Can See My Expired Tags, You Are Driving Too Close
James Doyle, Topsham, ME
Off the Pigs!
Mort Oakes, Dover, PA
No Stupid Cop is Going to Catch Me Speeding!
Tim Sebastian, Medford, OR
Honk if You Had Sex with My Honor Student
Barb Connelly, Mahtomedi, MN
I Brake for Patrol Cars
H.B. Stultz, Jr., East Stroudsburg, PA
I Only Get Warnings
Kurt von Kampen, Seward, NE
Joe McManus, Spring Hill, FL
My Other Bumper Sticker is Humorous
Doug Hundley, Willits, CA
If You Drive Any Closer You Could Read What I'm Texting
Vincent Marella, Cherry Hill, NJ
Don't Blame Me – I Didn't Bother to Vote
Paul Roberts, Blacksburg, SC
Dude, Where's My Car?
Noriko Fujiwara, Longmont, CO
Don't Like My Driving? So Shoot Me!
Doug Johnson, Roslyn, WA
My Other Hummer is a Hummer
Ned Coates, Cogan Station, PA
Barbara James, Bedford, MA
THE WEEK'S AUDIOPHILE PODCASTS: LISTEN SMARTER
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- How to be the most productive person in your office — and still get home by 5:30 p.m.
- How our botched understanding of 'science' ruins everything
- What would a U.S.-Russia war look like?
- 6 things the happiest families all have in common
- Mike Huckabee's head-scratching advice to Christian voters
- The science of sex: 4 harsh truths about dating and mating
- How Scotland's independence movement lost the vote and still won everything
- Russia is stealthily threatening America with nuclear war
- 7 grammar rules you really should pay attention to
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