A too-cool-for-school Joaquin Phoenix makes the P.R. rounds for The Master at the Venice Film Festival on Sept. 1.

Jens Kalaene/dpa/Corbis

• Therese Anne Fowler's 6 favorite books
• The daily gossip: Beyonce Knowles is pregnant again, and more
• WATCH: The grim full-length trailer for Dexter's final season

1. Joaquin Phoenix says the Oscars are "bullshit"
Joaquin Phoenix is widely expected to receive a Best Actor Oscar nomination for The Master, but some of his recent comments suggest he might pull a Marlon Brando and refuse the honor if he won. The Oscars are "bullshit," the actor told Interview Magazine, going on to say that the Oscar race is "a carrot, but the worst-tasting carrot I've ever tasted in my whole life," demonstrating why he's an actor and not a writer.

2. Paparazzi insist on spoiling Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel's surprise wedding
Like that friend who spoils the ending of any movie you're about to see, Us Weekly is intent on ensuring that everyone knows Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel will be married in southern Italy this weekend. The couple, engaged since December 2011, is taking "extra precautions" to keep the wedding's exact location a secret, said a source, merely making Us Weekly extra nosy. 

3. Miley Cyrus is so vain, thinks Nick Jonas song is about her
Like a Carly Simon song come to life, Miley Cyrus swears the Jonas Brothers' new song "Wedding Bells" is about her, says MTV News. Cyrus, now engaged to Liam Hemsworth (The Hunger Games), once dated Nick Jonas, and believes her impending nuptials inspired the song. "I don't know who else is getting married… So I feel like that's pretty blatant," said Cyrus. In her defense, the lyrics specifically refer to June 11 — the date the former couple met.

4. Lena Dunham jokes about Canadian serial killers; Canada cringes
The Toronto Star says envelope-pusher Lena Dunham (HBO's Girls) may have pushed the envelope too far when she recently suggested some outre Halloween costumes. "You guys go as [serial killer] Canadian couple Paul Bernardo & Karla Homolka. I'll be her sister they murdered," tweeted the actress to friends. "Whoa, that's messed up," a pal responded, channeling the presumptive feelings of everyone in Canada.

5. Drake earns high school diploma
After dropping out of high school to play a high school student on TV's Degrassi: The Next Generation, Drake has finally earned his diploma, reports Rolling Stone. "One of the greatest feelings of my entire life," tweeted the 25-year-old hip-hop artist, quite something coming from a man who starred in Ice Age 4: Continental Drift and popularized the phrase "YOLO" in a single year.