1. Carly Rae Jepsen accused of song theft
Sue me maybe? In a lawsuit, Ukrainian singer AZA claims that Canadian singer Carly Rae Jepsen stole elements of this summer's most punishingly ubiquitous hit, "Call Me Maybe" from AZA's song "Hunky Santa." "I'm shocked and surprised that these people wanted to sample my lyrics," says AZA, without specifying particular lines. AZA's claim "is completely false," Jepsen's rep tells the Daily Mail, adding that Jepsen, unlike the rest of America, "is not spending a lot of time listening to Ukrainian radio."
2. Robert "R. Pattz" Pattinson really wishes you wouldn't call him that
Between dodging inevitable questions about his relationship with Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson found time to disparage his widely-used nickname, R. Pattz, in a recent interview. "If I could figure out a way to get rid of that, it would be amazing," says Pattinson at E! Online, echoing the thoughts of anyone who's ever rolled their eyes at a magazine rack while waiting in line at the supermarket.
3. Jermaine Jackson plans to change name to Jermaine Jacksun
Today in pointless developments: Jermaine Jackson has filed a petition to change his name to the phonetically-identical (but slightly cheerier) Jermaine Jacksun, reports Rolling Stone. Jackson says he's switching vowels for "artistic reasons," because there's nothing worse for your career than being associated with one of the most beloved, best-selling pop artists of all time.
4. Bryan Adams is having a baby
Who could have guessed that the phrase "Baby, you're all that I want" would turn out to be so prophetic? People reports that noted Canadian singer Bryan Adams and his partner Alicia Grimaldi are expecting. The baby will be the second for the couple, who have an 18-month-old daughter they named Bunny, thereby doing their part to meet the global quota on weird celebrity baby names.
5. Kenny Chesney announces "No Shoes Nation" tour
Cementing his reputation for embodying every country-music stereotype, singer Kenny Chesney has announced that he'll be headlining the "No Shoes Nation" tour, alongside the Zac Brown Band and Eric Church, from March to August 2013. "There is no better name for this tour," says Chesney at Fox News, overlooking the promising alternative: "The Kenny Chesney Plan to Transmit Athlete's Foot Tour."
THE WEEK'S AUDIOPHILE PODCASTS: LISTEN SMARTER
- How Israel's hawks intimidated and silenced the last remnants of the anti-war left
- Why you should stop believing in evolution
- The secret to handling pressure like astronauts, Navy SEALs, and samurai
- The big policy question libertarians can't answer
- Why China thinks it could defeat the U.S. in battle
- Why your employer should clean your house and do your laundry
- The real lesson of Rick Perry's mug shot
- What you need to know before you support the police in Ferguson
- How the West produces jihadi tourists
- Welcome to the age of ambivalent feminism
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