1. Carly Rae Jepsen accused of song theft
Sue me maybe? In a lawsuit, Ukrainian singer AZA claims that Canadian singer Carly Rae Jepsen stole elements of this summer's most punishingly ubiquitous hit, "Call Me Maybe" from AZA's song "Hunky Santa." "I'm shocked and surprised that these people wanted to sample my lyrics," says AZA, without specifying particular lines. AZA's claim "is completely false," Jepsen's rep tells the Daily Mail, adding that Jepsen, unlike the rest of America, "is not spending a lot of time listening to Ukrainian radio."
2. Robert "R. Pattz" Pattinson really wishes you wouldn't call him that
Between dodging inevitable questions about his relationship with Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson found time to disparage his widely-used nickname, R. Pattz, in a recent interview. "If I could figure out a way to get rid of that, it would be amazing," says Pattinson at E! Online, echoing the thoughts of anyone who's ever rolled their eyes at a magazine rack while waiting in line at the supermarket.
3. Jermaine Jackson plans to change name to Jermaine Jacksun
Today in pointless developments: Jermaine Jackson has filed a petition to change his name to the phonetically-identical (but slightly cheerier) Jermaine Jacksun, reports Rolling Stone. Jackson says he's switching vowels for "artistic reasons," because there's nothing worse for your career than being associated with one of the most beloved, best-selling pop artists of all time.
4. Bryan Adams is having a baby
Who could have guessed that the phrase "Baby, you're all that I want" would turn out to be so prophetic? People reports that noted Canadian singer Bryan Adams and his partner Alicia Grimaldi are expecting. The baby will be the second for the couple, who have an 18-month-old daughter they named Bunny, thereby doing their part to meet the global quota on weird celebrity baby names.
5. Kenny Chesney announces "No Shoes Nation" tour
Cementing his reputation for embodying every country-music stereotype, singer Kenny Chesney has announced that he'll be headlining the "No Shoes Nation" tour, alongside the Zac Brown Band and Eric Church, from March to August 2013. "There is no better name for this tour," says Chesney at Fox News, overlooking the promising alternative: "The Kenny Chesney Plan to Transmit Athlete's Foot Tour."
- The secrets of happy families
- 4 secret societies you probably don't know about
- How to stick it to the poor: A congressional strategy
- Did God have a wife?
- Why Republicans shouldn't get too excited over Obama's stumbles
- Diagnosing the Home Alone burglars' injuries: A professional weighs in
- Will John Kerry's foreign policy successes undercut Hillary Clinton?
- Why Newt Gingrich is getting flak for defending Nelson Mandela
- The emerging budget deal is a small victory for Republicans
- Cue scary music: Cockroaches that can survive New York winters reach the U.S.
Subscribe to the Week