1. "Mom of the Year" contender gives son an iPhone (and 18-point contract) for Christmas
iPhones are great. Who doesn't love iPhones? So the news that Janell Burley Hofman gave her 13-year-old son, Gregory, a brand new iPhone for Christmas isn't exactly a story. But the 18-point contract warmly outlining how Gregory can and can't use his expensive new toy — along with some indispensable life advice — totally is. Here's what she wrote:
Merry Christmas! You are now the proud owner of an iPhone. Hot Damn! You are a good & responsible 13 year old boy and you deserve this gift. But with the acceptance of this present comes rules and regulations. Please read through the following contract. I hope that you understand it is my job to raise you into a well rounded, healthy young man that can function in the world and coexist with technology, not be ruled by it. Failure to comply with the following list will result in termination of your iPhone ownership.
What kind of stipulations did she include? Bullet points like "No ignoring calls from Mom or Dad" (duh), and time-tested mom knowledge like, "Don't take a zillion pictures and videos. There is no need to document everything. Live your experiences." Solid parenting. 9.5 out of 10. Read the whole thing here. (Via Mashable)
2. Baby on a Roomba
What's that? Oh nothing. Just a baby. A baby riding a Roomba. (Via Tumblr)
3. A very sad picture of a young Lindsay Lohan
Spotted in an old issue of Nick magazine. :T (Via Imgur)
4. New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie meets Dinosaurs
Only one question: Why did it take so long for anyone to notice this? (Via Buzzfeed)
5. Skrillex releases a song that's actually pretty great
Perhaps you've heard of Skrillex, the Rihanna-haired pioneer of the bro-step dance genre. Turns out he has pretty exquisite taste in electronic music (his favorite song is by Aphex Twin), and he seems to be moving away from the obnoxious buzz-saw sounds and bass drops that have, at least so far, defined his career. Great job, Skrillex. More stuff like this, please. Give it a listen. (Via Death & Taxes)
6. Kanye wears a really expensive mask
Kilt expert and soon-to-be baby daddy Kanye West performed in Atlantic City last weekend dressed in really expensive gothwear, including this Bedazzled™ facemask by Maison Martin Margiela. Looks hard to breathe in. (Via Huffington Post)
7. The most terrible New Year's Eve party of all time
How was your New Year's Eve? Did you find yourself having an existential crisis in the middle of a crowded bar, wondering why you were surrounded by drunk strangers who aren't even your friends? No? Well, whatever you were doing, it couldn't have been as bad as the televised event put on by Orange County radio station KDOC, which might go down as the saddest, weirdest New Year's Eve party in the history of weird, sad parties. Special appearances include an allegedly high-as-a-kite Macy Gray and rap group Bone Thugz-N-Harmony saying the F-word on live television. It's a beautiful train wreck. (Via Grantland)
8. Kobe Bryant joined Twitter
In an NBA full of over-sharing youngsters, Kobe Bryant was a cranky old man who liked doing old-man things like refusing to wear silly glasses (looking at you, LeBron) and not using Twitter. But that all changed when he started tweeting for Nike basketball during the last week of December. Guess he really liked sharing his innermost thoughts with the world after all, because he finally jumped on his own account, @KobeBryant, for the first time on Friday. Really looking forward to all those Twitpics of your lunch, Kobe. People love those. #Advice (Via Twitter)
9. Cat of the Week
Guys, it wasn't even CLOSE this week. Just take a look at this cat in a sock. (Via Imgur)
THE WEEK'S AUDIOPHILE PODCASTS: LISTEN SMARTER
- Who are the real gay marriage bigots?
- What would a U.S.-Russia war look like?
- Why is American internet so slow?
- Don't worry: World War III will almost certainly never happen
- 22 TV shows to watch in 2014
- What the collapse of the Ming Dynasty can tell us about American decline
- Watch The Daily Show mock Fox News' confused man-crush on Vladimir Putin
- Religious liberty should be a liberal value, too
- The new bride who had a horrifying allergic reaction to her husband's sperm
5 surprising facts about left-handed people
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