1. Psychic predicts "extremely lucky" 2013 for Lindsay Lohan
Lindsay Lohan's arrest-filled, Liz & Dick-launching 2012 wasn't exactly a banner year in the life of the actress. But according to Lohan's attorney Mark Heller — who made the extremely professional decision to consult a psychic on the matter — happier times are finally on the horizon. "Ironically a psychic fortune teller has predicted the year 2013 will be an extremely lucky year for Lindsay Lohan," Heller told reporters. At press time, it remained unclear if the stars will revise their prediction after Lohan cameos alongside Charlie Sheen in the upcoming Scary Movie 5.
2. Kim Kardashian and Kanye West turn down $3 million for baby picture
Newly expectant parents Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are not typically known for their restraint, which is perhaps why the news that the couple has actually turned down a potential payday made headlines today. According to The Huffington Post, the couple recently passed up a $3 million offer for the first pictures of "baby Kimye" — which is apparently what we're calling it now — when the baby is born in June. Asked for further comment, the couple said they may still "consider offers in the future," so let the bidding war begin.
3. Honey Boo Boo is richer than you are
Today in disheartening facts: Pint-sized reality star Honey Boo Boo nets $15,000 to $20,000 per episode of her TLC reality series Here Comes Honey Boo Boo. But Ms. Boo Boo isn't allowed to spend all her hard-earned winnings on sketti and Go Go Juice, insists her Mama June. She's putting all the money earned by the family into a trust fund that won't be available to any of her four daughters or granddaughter until they turn 21. "I want my kids to look back and say, 'Mama played it smart. Not like those other reality TV people," June told People. Your move, Snooki.
4. Steve Carrell not likely to return for The Office finale
Having left the sterile walls of The Office behind for the comparatively greener pastures of a multimillion-dollar film career, Steve Carrell is not likely to appear in the NBC sitcom's final season, reports TV Line, despite executive producer Greg Daniels' insistence that he has "some cool story ideas" in mind. Based on the other "cool story ideas" that have characterized The Office post-Carrell, we can surmise that Daniels' concepts included a series of ridiculous celebrity cameos and a shameless, unappealing attempt to mount a spinoff.
5. Blue Ivy Carter turns one today
They grow up so fast. According to People, it was one year ago today that Jay-Z and Beyonce's baby daughter Blue Ivy Carter went from a twinkle in every gossip columnist's eye to a bouncing bundle of celebrity joy. It's been an eventful first year of life for Blue Ivy, who became the youngest person to appear on a Billboard chart, failed to get her name trademarked, and drank a lot of milk.
THE WEEK'S AUDIOPHILE PODCASTS: LISTEN SMARTER
- Watch out, China — America is working on dogfighting drones
- How to be the most productive person in your office — and still get home by 5:30 p.m.
- 43 TV shows to watch in 2014
- How liberals are unwittingly paving the way for the legalization of adult incest
- How our botched understanding of 'science' ruins everything
- Why the Chinese military is only a paper dragon
- How the Simpsons/Family Guy crossover revealed the worst of both shows
- The troubling persistence of eugenicist thought in modern America
- Bill O'Reilly and Stephen Colbert are accidentally having a serious debate on ISIS
- Why America won't have enough money to battle ISIS
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