On Monday, Vulture reported that Man of Steel director Zack Snyder is in talks to make a new Star Wars film based on Akira Kurosawa's legendary 1954 film Seven Samurai, with the original film's katana-wielding ronin replaced by lightsaber-twirling Jedi who defend a community besieged by bandits. The surprising news unsurprisingly led to a torrent of commentary by critics and Star Wars fans, though Snyder's representative insisted in a statement to The Hollywood Reporter, Snyder insisted that he is "not involved in any way with the new Star Wars." (Vulture is standing by its story.) Whether or not a Star Wars version of Seven Samurai is really in the works, the idea got me thinking: What other classic movies would benefit from a Star Wars-inspired makeover? Here, seven not-so-serious possibilities:
1. Mr. Smith Goes to Coruscant
An idealistic everyman from a remote planet is appointed to fill a seat in the Galactic Senate, but is horrified to discover that Senator-turned-Chancellor Palpatine and his allies have turned the chambers into a wretched hive of scum and villainy. Mr. Smith valiantly struggles against Palpatine and his cohorts by using reason and impassioned rhetoric... until Palpatine cuts him in half with a lightsaber.
2. The Midichlorian Candidate
A Clone War veteran from a prominent family is pegged as a rising political star when a test by the Jedi Council reveals that his Midichlorian levels are abnormally high. But a fellow veteran becomes convinced that the so-called "Midichlorian Candidate" has been brainwashed by a contingent of Sith sympathizers, who plan to use him as a sleeper agent.
3. Grand Moff Tarkin or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Death Star
An absurdist black comedy that follows the senior staff of the Death Star as they debate whether or not they'll use the Death Star's superlaser to destroy Alderaan. After much debating between Emperor Palpatine, Grand Moff Tarkin, and a surprisingly manic Darth Vader, the laser is fired, obliterating the planet to the strains of Vera Lynn's "We'll Meet Again."
4. Rebellion Without a Cause
A chronicle of future Rebel Alliance leader Mon Mothma's tumultuous teenage years, as she smokes, plays chicken with landspeeders, and endures a combative relationship with her Empire-employed father.
5.The Good, the Bad, and the Dengar
Boba Fett, IG-88, and Dengar learn that a dying man strapped a box full of Galactic Credits to a space rock in the middle of an asteroid belt. The three bounty hunters race across the galaxy, making and breaking alliances as necessary to secure the treasure for themselves.
6. Citizen Hutt
As he lies dying in his palace after being choked by the vengeful Princess Leia, Jabba the Hutt reflects back on his misbegotten life, from his innocent days as a sweet young swamp slug to his eventual descent into moral and political corruption as a feared Tatooine mob boss.
7. The Man Who Shot Greedo First
A septuagenarian Han Solo returns to Tatooine, where he has become legendary for shooting Greedo in a Mos Eisley bar. Han sits down with a reporter and tells the real story behind the famous standoff, revealing that he, not Greedo, was the one who shot first. But in the end, the reporter decides to bury his own story, committing to keep spreading the lie that Greedo fired the first shot with the immortal words "when the legend becomes fact, print the legend."
THE WEEK'S AUDIOPHILE PODCASTS: LISTEN SMARTER
- How the South's ugly racial history is haunting ObamaCare
- The real story behind Deliver Us From Evil
- 43 TV shows to watch in 2014
- What if Leo Strauss was right?
- Beware of Splenda: The backlash against artificial sugars
- How to be the most productive person in your office — and still get home by 5:30 p.m.
- If Democrats abandon immigration reform after Tuesday's likely loss, they will turn 2016 into a debacle
- 6 things the happiest families all have in common
- Stop making fun of philosophy and read some philosophy
- The culture war finally comes to the Catholic Church
Subscribe to the Week