1. Kim Kardashian's baby is due in July
Today, in celebrity babies: The spawn of Kim Kardashian and Kanye West, which we're apparently calling the "Kimye" baby — thanks, Twitter! — is due in July, reports MTV News. "I think until I really start seeing a belly it won't really sink in," said Kardashian on Today. "It's just like a weird realization." Sounds a little like the feeling that sinks in when you realize you'll be reading headlines about Kim Kardashian's pregnancy for for the next six months.
2. Charlie Sheen is going to be a grandfather
He may have been booted from his cushy job on Two and a Half Men, but Us Magazine reports that Charlie Sheen will soon have an actual half-person to offer his decades of accumulated grandfatherly wisdom, after daughter Cassandra Estevez gives birth later this year. "Me as a grandfather, Dave... I don't know," said Sheen on The Late Show with David Letterman, echoing the collective fears of the American people. Let's hope tiger blood skips two generations.
3. NBC prepares Jessica Simpson-starring sitcom
NBC is preparing a sitcom pilot starring former actress/singer (and current inexplicably famous person) Jessica Simpson. And just when you thought that couldn't sound less appealing, Vulture reports that the series' pilot will be written by Paul Blart: Mall Cop screenwriter Mick Baklay. The series will reportedly be based on Simpson's life — or, at least, the parts that haven't already been exhaustively documented on one of her five prior reality TV appearances.
4. Sofia Vergara wants wedding to be a "big event"
Sofia Vergara isn't sure when she and fiance Nick Loeb will finally tie the knot — but when they do, she can guarantee you'll be hearing about it. "If I'm going to do something, it's going to have to be a big event," says Vergara at People — an important standard to set, since no one ever pays attention when a celebrity gets married. Though further details on Vergara's wedding weren't available, Modern Family fans know they can expect a series of wacky, cloying, and increasingly repetitious misunderstandings on the way to the altar.
5. Megan Fox believes in aliens, leprechauns, Loch Ness monster
One might think that having to work with Michael Bay on two consecutive movies would be enough destroy any actress' sense of wonder — but despite the onus of two Transformers movies, the resilient Megan Fox has somehow kept beliefs that most would have dropped at the age of seven. "I like believing," said Fox in an Esquire interview quoted at TooFab, explaining that the list of things she believes in includes the Loch Ness monster, aliens, and leprechauns. "Not the pot of gold, not the Lucky Charms leprechauns," stressed Fox, because that would sound totally crazy.
THE WEEK'S AUDIOPHILE PODCASTS: LISTEN SMARTER
- Russia's giant spy ship was a high-tech disaster waiting to happen
- What would a U.S.-Russia war look like?
- America created the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria? Meet the ISIS 'truthers'
- The Obama era is over. The presidency continues.
- How American businessmen are ruining American business — and the U.S. economy
- 10 things you need to know today: September 2, 2014
- Fall movie guide: All the films you should see in September
- Scottish independence is another financial crisis waiting to happen
- The 10 best networking tips for people who hate networking
- 11 scientific studies that will restore your faith in humanity
Subscribe to the Week