1. Skrillex accidentally sets his own hair on fire
Dubstep pioneer Skrillex celebrated his 25th birthday in a typically iconoclastic (albeit unintentional) way: By lighting his own hair on fire. TMZ reports that the DJ's distinctive tresses caught fire as he bent down to blow out birthday candles on Tuesday, as a group of friends screeched out "Happy Birthday" in an atonal cacophony that still sounds better than the average Skrillex song. Fortunately, Skrillex managed to put out the fire before any serious damage was done, ensuring that both his terrible hair and his terrible music will continue to make appearances for the rest of 2013.
2. Kim Kardashian wants privacy, insists Kim Kardashian
Attention, everybody: This time, Kim Kardashian is really serious about wanting more privacy in her life. "Certain things change your life that make you want to be more private, and [pregnancy] is definitely one of them," said Kardashian, temporarily abandoning her alleged desire for privacy by expressing it to the Associated Press. In related news, the next season of Kardashian's E! reality series Kourtney and Kim Take Miami debuts on Sunday.
3. Simon Cowell signs "the next One Direction"
The X Factor's Simon Cowell struck gold — financially, if not musically — when he convinced five bland, vaguely talented boys to form One Direction in 2010. But can this particularly destructive brand of musical lightning strike twice? People reports that Cowell is at it again, signing five female contestants to team up under the suspiciously One Direction-sounding moniker "Fifth Harmony." "I knew from the girls' first performance at the judges home that we'd done the right thing," said Cowell, somehow failing to add "for my wallet!" and cackling like a Batman villain.
4. Lena Dunham is incredibly generous to Howard Stern
Last week, Howard Stern made headlines in typical Howard Stern-ian fashion when he went on a dumb, sexist rant against Girls' Lena Dunham that dismissed her as "a little fat chick." But when Dunham called in to confront Stern during his show on Wednesday, he was singing a very different tune. "I'm in love with you and your character," said Stern, according to the Daily News. Somehow, Dunham managed to accept the apology and assured Stern that she remains a fan.
5. Hilary Duff sells shoes on eBay, promises they're "not too smelly"
Have you always wanted to walk a mile in a moderately famous teen celebrity's shoes? Now's your chance! Zap2it reports that former Disney Channel star Hilary Duff is currently auctioning several pairs of her used shoes, with the promise that all proceeds will go to the Lancaster Opera House in New York. "They're not too smelly," assures Duff. Anyone willing to take her at her word can join the bidding at eBay.
THE WEEK'S AUDIOPHILE PODCASTS: LISTEN SMARTER
- Watch out, China — America is working on dogfighting drones
- How liberals are unwittingly paving the way for the legalization of adult incest
- The troubling persistence of eugenicist thought in modern America
- How to be the most productive person in your office — and still get home by 5:30 p.m.
- How the Simpsons/Family Guy crossover revealed the worst of both shows
- Why the Chinese military is only a paper dragon
- Why America won't have enough money to battle ISIS
- 43 TV shows to watch in 2014
- Libertarianism's terrible, horrible, no good, very bad idea
- 11 facts yü should know about the umlaut
Subscribe to the Week