1. Arnold Schwarzenegger will return to the Terminator franchise
In news that is surely unconnected to the box-office failure of his attempted comeback vehicle The Last Stand, Arnold Schwarzenegger has announced that he plans to reprise the title role in the popular Terminator franchise for the upcoming Terminator 5, prompting a thousand gossip columnists to write "he'll be back" and clock off early for the day. Hitfix reports that it's currently unknown how the 65-year-old Schwarzenegger will play the "ageless machine" that propelled him to the A-list almost 30 years ago — underestimating the screenwriter's ability to come up with a clever fix, like "it was advanced robot aging technology, or whatever."
2. Steven Tyler defends Beyonce's alleged lip-syncing
Beyonce Knowles, confoundingly dogged by reports that she lip-synced a performance of the Star-Spangled Banner at the president's inauguration on Monday, has at least one high-profile defender: Aerosmith's Steven Tyler. "Beyonce's so hot she can do anything," said Tyler in an interview with TMZ — including, apparently, mouthing the words to one of the best-known songs in the United States.
3. Adele's baby might be named "Angelo"
Has the name of Adele's baby son finally been revealed? The Daily News reports that the singer was spotted wearing a gold necklace bearing the name "Angelo" during a shopping excursion in Los Angeles on Monday. Since the child's birth in October, Adele has refused to publicly confirm the name of her baby son with fiance Simon Konecki, referring to him only as "Little Peanut" — which is, admittedly, a much more standard name for a celebrity baby than the disarmingly normal "Angelo."
4. New Kids on the Block, 98 Degrees, Boyz II Men team up for music tour
In news sure to delight anyone whose musical tastes haven't evolved in 20 years, 90s boy bands New Kids on the Block, 98 Degrees, and Boyz II Men are set to team up for an extended national tour (and inadvertently prove there are some things even the Backstreet Boys are above doing). The New York Post reports that New Kids on the Block will "headline" the tour, setting a new record for the all-time most generous use of the word "headline."
5. Lindsay Lohan allegedly turns down Dancing With the Stars offer
Demonstrating an eternal commitment to stretching the definition of the word "star" as far as humanly possible, ABC reality series Dancing With the Stars has reportedly reached out to tabloid fixture Lindsay Lohan with an offer to appear on the show. But don't get too excited, DWTS fans; despite an alleged offer of $550,000, TMZ reports that Lohan says she would "never consider" doing a reality TV show, apparently preferring the dignity offered by projects like Liz & Dick.
THE WEEK'S AUDIOPHILE PODCASTS: LISTEN SMARTER
- How academia's liberal bias is killing social science
- How to be the most productive person in your office — and still get home by 5:30 p.m.
- The Hobbit: A disappointing set of movies, but a worthy set of prequels
- Dick Cheney's America is an ugly place
- 43 TV shows to watch in 2014
- America is building a Sunni army in Iraq to take on the Islamic State
- The liberation of Barack Obama
- Diagnosing the Home Alone burglars' injuries: A professional weighs in
- How to make the ultimate grilled cheese
- George W. Bush 'ran the country like a cable network,' and other political insights from Chris Rock
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