1. No, Jennifer Lawrence's dress didn't rip open at the SAG Awards
During last night's Screen Actors Guild awards, the blogosphere was buzzing over a possible wardrobe malfunction when Jennifer Lawrence accepted her trophy for Silver Linings Playbook. As the actress took the stage, the middle of her dress seemed to split open, revealing her upper thighs — but according to The Hollywood Reporter, reports of the dress ripping open have been overblown. "The dress was comprised of layers and was not all one piece," which meant that lifting her dress to navigate the crowded room inadvertently revealed a little leg. But never fear, Jennifer; if Angelina Jolie is any indication, legs and awards shows go together like limos and red carpets.
2. Ashton Kutcher tries out Method acting, ends up in hospital
Ashton Kutcher's earnest attempt to prove he's a real actor with jOBS — the upcoming, irritatingly titled Steve Jobs biopic with Kutcher in the title role — hit a major snag when his ill-advised attempt to channel Jobs landed him in the hospital. The Guardian reports that Kutcher tried to follow a Jobs-like "fruitarian" diet, which consists of only fruits, nuts and seeds, but became too ill to continue. "The fruitarian diet can lead to, like, severe issues," says Kutcher, unwittingly channeling his character from Dude, Where's My Car?.
3. Bradley Cooper says rumor he'll play Lance Armstrong is "nuts"
As the world continues to be fascinated by disgraced cyclist Lance Armstrong, Hollywood has, as it always does, cynically recognized a potentially lucrative opportunity. Director J.J. Abrams is reportedly readying a big-screen adaptation of Cycle of Lies: The Fall of Lance Armstrong — but rumors that Bradley Cooper will star as Armstrong are apparently false. "Oh my god, that's so nuts!" says Cooper at The Hollywood Reporter, seeming genuinely confused — unless this is just another of Abrams' schemes to confuse audiences as to which character Cooper will be playing. (We're guessing Khan.)
4. Destiny's Child will not reunite for the Super Bowl, insists one of Destiny's children
A Destiny's Child reunion at the Super Bowl? Former band member Michelle Williams doesn't think you're ready for that jelly. "I hate to disappoint people and tell them it's not true," says Williams at The Huffington Post while disappointing people by telling them it's not true. But never fear, Destiny's Child fans; you can still get your fix by listening to the reunited group's new album, which is scheduled for release tomorrow, or by taking a time machine back to 1998.
5. Justin Bieber investigated for assault by Nerf Gun
It's safe to say that Canada's gun laws are a little stricter than those of the United States — but even by those standards, the news that Justin Bieber is being investigated by Canadian police for hitting a woman with a Nerf projectile seems a little extreme. Last week, a security guard at a Canadian venue filed a police report when she was hit by a foam projectile during a Nerf Gun fight between Bieber and his two younger siblings. "The cops are actually taking it seriously," reports TMZ, eliminating the possibility that this is a particularly implausible Punk'd prank.
THE WEEK'S AUDIOPHILE PODCASTS: LISTEN SMARTER
- 3 horrific inaccuracies in Homeland's depiction of Islamabad
- Gamergate has backfired spectacularly on its nincompoop perpetrators
- Rise of the machines
- 43 TV shows to watch in 2014
- How to be the most productive person in your office — and still get home by 5:30 p.m.
- Why you should absolutely watch this confounding, wonderful World Series
- The uncomfortable truth in The Giving Tree
- It's time to kill school picture day
- 10 things you need to know today: October 19, 2014
- 6 things the happiest families all have in common
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