1. Fall Out Boy reuniting to "save rock and roll"
Recently reunited (but eternally irritating) pop-punk band Fall Out Boy has announced that they'll "save rock and roll" with their creatively titled next album Save Rock and Roll, in an intriguing switch from their many years recording music that attempted to destroy it. "We needed to plug back in and make some music that matters to us," says frontman Pete Wentz in an interview at MTV News. "The future of Fall Out Boy starts now." Consider yourselves warned.
2. Justin Timberlake insists he didn't insult Britney Spears
On Sunday, Justin Timberlake made waves at a pre-Super Bowl concert when he introduced the song "Cry Me a River" — which was inspired by his messy breakup with Britney Spears — by saying "sometimes in life, you think you found the one, but then one day you find out that she is just some bitch." Since then, Timberlake has taken pains to clarify "Ok. I see you," Timberlake tweeted rather strangely. "Wouldn't disrespect ANYONE personally. Ever. #Relax #ItsBritneyBitch I do love that saying though*with accent* #Respect." Timberlake presumably plans to continue disrespecting people impersonally in the future.
3. Michael Bay says Transformers 4 will be totally different
It's safe to say that Michael Bay's bombastic Transformers movies are not the most critically beloved trilogy in cinematic history. But Bay has unveiled a grand plan to make critics appreciate the upcoming Transformers 4: Ensuring that the movie in no way resembles the first three. "To freshen the franchise, we've redesigned everything from top to bottom," promises Bay at FirstShowing.net. "We're trying to broaden the franchise and give it more places to go." As Transformers moves into a new era, fans can presumably look forward to a Transformers rom-com, musical, or melodrama (We humbly suggest Love in the Prime of Optimus.)
4. Johnny Depp will definitely play Whitey Bulger, probably wear a hat
Noted hat enthusiast Johnny Depp will trade his Mad Hatter's cap for a (comparatively less mad) fedora to play Boston gangster Whitey Bulger in the upcoming biopic Black Mass — which will not, somewhat incredibly, be directed by Tim Burton. Entertainment Weekly reports that Ben Affleck is in the early stages of development for a competing Bulger project, in the latest stage of his long-term plan to make a movie out of anything that has ever happened in Boston.
5. Harry Styles reportedly got a birthday lap dance
Oh, international teen pop sensations. They grow up so fast. At his 19th birthday bash, One Direction singer Harry Styles was reportedly treated to a decidedly un-tween friendly striptease and lap dance by friend and desperate provacteur DJ Nick Grimshaw. "Harry seemed embarrassed and didn't know where to look," said a source at the Daily Mail, even though looking is kind of the point. "Unfortunately, there was a no nudity policy at the bar." Better luck next year, Harry.
THE WEEK'S AUDIOPHILE PODCASTS: LISTEN SMARTER
- Ted Cruz is the new Sarah Palin
- How to be the most productive person in your office — and still get home by 5:30 p.m.
- How liberals are unwittingly paving the way for the legalization of adult incest
- Watch out, China — America is working on dogfighting drones
- 43 TV shows to watch in 2014
- 10 things you need to know today: October 1, 2014
- Why colleges' insistence on 'diversity' actually fails disadvantaged kids
- You're reheating pizza wrong
- Why the Chinese military is only a paper dragon
- Bill O'Reilly and Stephen Colbert are accidentally having a serious debate on ISIS
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