1. Chris Brown may have faked his community service
Eternally troubled R&B singer Chris Brown has been accused by a Los Angeles district attorney of faking his court-ordered community service. The Los Angles Times reports that the D.A. claims that Brown has given no "credible, competent, or verifiable" evidence that he completed the 1,400 hours of community service he was assigned after assaulting girlfriend Rihanna in 2009, and that they've asked the judge on the case to reject Brown's community service claims due to "at best sloppy documentation and at worst fraudulent reporting." In Brown's defense, finding new and creative ways to be one of the most hated entertainers on the planet does seem like a full-time job.
2. Donald Trump sues Bill Maher for $5 million for claiming he's the spawn of an orangutan
HBO host Bill Maher has taken plenty of shots at real estate mogul/conspiracy theorist Donald Trump over the past year — but according to a lawsuit filed by Trump on Monday, one of Maher's recent cracks should cost him $5 million. ABC News reports that the lawsuit originates from Maher's January appearance on The Tonight Show, where he joked that he would donate $5 million to charity if Trump could prove that he wasn't "the spawn of his mother having sex with an orangutan." Trump, having produced a birth certificate that lists two (presumably human) parents, says Maher now has to pony up. "What?? Really? Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha" tweeted Maher on Monday, perfectly encapsulating the thoughts of a bemused nation.
3. Kim Karsdashian wants to do a sitcom
From reality shows to sex tapes, Kim Kardashian has built a fortune by playing herself on camera. But Entertainmentwise reports that Kardashian's upcoming supporting turn in the new Tyler Perry movie has inspired her to set her sights (marginally) higher: Appearing in a sitcom. "I definitely do see myself branching off and maybe doing a sitcom or something other than reality," said Kardashian in an interview with WWD. Kardashian failed to offer any further details about possible concepts or networks, but just in case, viewers are advised to keep their fingers near the "Off" button on their remotes for the foreseeable future.
4. James Cameron prevails in lawsuit claiming he stole Avatar
Directing the two highest-grossing films in history has made James Cameron a target for lawsuits. But if you come at the King of the World, you best not miss — as plaintiff Gerald Morawski learned the hard way on Tuesday when a judge ruled that Cameron had not stolen the idea for Avatar. The Hollywood Reporter says that Morawski claimed Cameron stole Avatar's premise from his pitch for a movie called Guardians of Eden, which would center on the "epic struggle" between an evil mining company and an indigenous tribe. Unfortunately, the judge failed to rule on how much Cameron "borrowed" from Dances With Wolves and Pocahontas.
5. Mr. T joins Twitter, already has more followers than you
Log on to your Twitter accounts and hit that follow button, suckas — Mr. T has joined Twitter under the handle @MrT. Though Mr. T joined Twitter on Jan. 16, posting the "Mr. T is on Twitter. You're welcome fools!" the news of his arrival wasn't widely disseminated until today, when he rapidly amassed thousands of followers, with a current total of 18,000 and climbing. Mr. T has since been welcomed to Twitter by a list of celebrities that includes William Shatner and the members of Jimmy Eat World — proving, now as ever, that there is no reason to pity that fool.
THE WEEK'S AUDIOPHILE PODCASTS: LISTEN SMARTER
- How to be the most productive person in your office — and still get home by 5:30 p.m.
- 43 TV shows to watch in 2014
- The science of sex: 4 harsh truths about dating and mating
- How our botched understanding of 'science' ruins everything
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- How U2 became the new Nickelback
- Russia is stealthily threatening America with nuclear war
- The secret to handling pressure like astronauts, Navy SEALs, and samurai
- What would a U.S.-Russia war look like?
- How to be the star of a cocktail party where you don't know anyone
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