1. You can't buy autographed Girl Scout Cookies from Honey Boo Boo
If you've dreamed of the day when you could finally own a box of cookies autographed by the 7-year-old star of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo — and really, who hasn't? — we have terrible news: The Girls Scouts of America has shut down Honey Boo Boo's scheme. The Daily News reports that while the online sale has already come to an end, Honey Boo Boo still plans to fulfill the cookie orders that fans have already placed, so despondent fans are advised to keep an eye on eBay.
2. Fergie on being pregnant: "This shit just got real"
Demonstrating the same commitment to eloquence that led to lyrics like "I'm Fergalicious" and "Tonight's gonna be a good good night," Black-Eyed Pea Fergie found the perfect thing to say when she learned she was pregnant: "This shit just got real." "Those were the first words out of her mouth," confirmed husband Josh Duhamel in an interview with the New York Post — and will, we presume, be the first words out of the baby's.
3. Newly single Rachel McAdams courted by Toronto Raptors mascot
After several years of dating so quietly that everyone forgot they were dating at all, Michael Sheen and Rachel McAdams called it quits earlier this week — and at least one suitor isn't wasting any time courting the newly eligible bachelorette. At a recent Toronto Raptors game, the team's red velociraptor mascot — which People helpfully describes as "165 lbs. of pure fur" — presented McAdams with a bouquet of roses and a small stuffed dinosaur. Pro tip to Michael Sheen: If you're looking to fire back, we hear that gorilla from the Phoenix Suns is single.
4. Joe Manganiello writing a fitness book so you can look just like him
It takes a lot to stand out among actors like Channing Tatum and Matthew McConaughey, but even those gentlemen's much-admired bodies pale in comparison to the physique of Magic Mike star Joe Manganiello. And apparently, if you follow the advice in his upcoming book, Tatum will pale in comparison to you, too! "I wasn't born this way. I was the kid in high school who couldn't do one dip, one pull up… [but] I was also the kid who never gave up," says Mangianello, who also plays the role of Ridiculously Shredded Handsome Werewolf Guy in HBO's True Blood, at Entertainment Weekly. Readers can look forward to paging through the book, thinking about exercising, procrastinating, and forgetting about it a couple weeks later when the book hits store shelves in January 2014.
5. Sorry, everyone, the Mark McGrath and Friends Cruise is canceled
Sugar Ray singer Mark McGrath had a simple, beautiful dream: Teaming up with fellow half-forgotten bands like Smash Mouth, Spin Doctors, and Vertical Horizon to deliver a 4-day cruise set to the most numbingly mediocre music the 90s had to offer. But alas, that dream is dead. Just a month after announcing that the Mark McGrath and Friends Cruise would set sail in October 2013, the cruise's website has been updated with the terse, somber news that "the Mark McGarth and Friends Cruise has been canceled." Though the website offered no further explanation, Uproxx collected a series of apologetic tweets from McGrath blaming "the poop cruise" — and not, of course, America's utter indifference to Mark McGrath and his Friends.
THE WEEK'S AUDIOPHILE PODCASTS: LISTEN SMARTER
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- 10 things you need to know today: July 31, 2014
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- What would a U.S.-Russia war look like?
- The mystery behind China's aggressive push into space
- 7 grammar rules you really should pay attention to
- Why GOP reformers are bound to fail
- Don't vote for Andrew Cuomo
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