1. Justin Bieber had a terrible 19th birthday
Justin Bieber had his Super Sweet 19 ruined by the meanies at London's Cirque Du Soir, who wouldn't let 14-year-old Jaden Smith into the club even though it was Bieber's birthday. "We, like all clubs in London, operate a strict age policy," said an eminently reasonable representative from the club at MTV News. "As a few of the members of the party were under the suitable age of 18, the security team at Cirque Du Soir, London, clearly explained this rule and refused entry to the club for anyone who could not provide us with adequate proof of age." Bieber later took to Instagram to clarify that, while frustrating, it wasn't really his "worst birthday ever," so we can all breathe easy again.
2. Lindsay Lohan's last court hearing didn't go very well
The course of Lindsay Lohan's court hearings never do run smooth — but even by the extreme standards of the actress' troubled legal past, a Friday hearing attended by her new lawyer, Mark Jay Heller, sounded like a rough one. Us Weekly has a full rundown of the 20-minute pretrial hearing, which centers on charges that Lohan lied to police following a car crash last year. Our favorite moment from Friday's hearing: When Heller unsuccessfully petitioned Judge James Dabney to delay the trial because Lohan "would benefit from the opportunity of having that time to pursue certain avenues we are endeavoring to pursue that would benefit her." (We'll leave you to decipher that one.)
3. No, Lindsay Lohan isn't interested in being mentored by Charlie Sheen
Whatever her legal problems, Lohan has made at least one seemingly wise decision on Monday: Turning down a public offer from Charlie Sheen to serve as her "mentor" — presumably recognizing that adding fire to fire just makes more fire. TMZ reports that sources close to Lohan say the actress appreciates Sheen's generosity, but feels that Sheen "has no business talking about her to the media." Sheen, who has never demonstrated questionable judgment when it comes to the media, will surely comply.
4. Jay Leno may be off the air by 2014
Have you seen this? Have you heard about this? According to sources at The Hollywood Reporter, the perennially desperate NBC is moving toward an announcement that Jay Leno will make his last feeble, blandly inoffensive joke on The Tonight Show in 2014, when heir apparent Jimmy Fallon will take over his 11:35 timeslot. A source adds that Leno still gets better ratings than Jimmy Kimmel, his timeslot rival at ABC, but that "it's neck-and-neck in [the 18-49 demographic]." So millennials, if you're wondering why Leno is still on the air at all, look no further than your parents.
5. Emma Stone tweets cryptic message about Andrew Garfield and Shailene Woodley
Could life be imitating the "art" of a big-budget Hollywood sequel? Amazing Spider-Man costars Andrew Lincoln and Emma Stone have been dating both on-screen and off since the first film was released — but Shailene Woodley, who makes her debut as Spider-Man's longtime girlfriend Mary Jane in the upcoming film, may be getting between them. On Sunday, Stone tweeted "nawder and islasehne tsinggi ni a erte" — which can be deciphered, for the anagram-challenged to reveal the message "Andrew and Shailene sitingg in a tree." (We'll assume she meant "sitting.") The Hollywood Gossip reports that Stone has since deleted the tweet, and offered no further explanation — leaving open the intriguing possibility that the whole thing is Stone's roundabout audition to leave the Amazing Spider-Man franchise to play the Riddler in a Batman reboot.
THE WEEK'S AUDIOPHILE PODCASTS: LISTEN SMARTER
- 43 TV shows to watch in 2014
- The latent sexism of the male marriage proposal
- Bush vs. Clinton in 2016 is the perfect way to make millennials hate politics even more
- This judge is the reason we're still fighting over net neutrality
- The week's best photojournalism
- After Ferguson: Stop deferring to the cops
- How to be the most productive person in your office — and still get home by 5:30 p.m.
- Diagnosing the Home Alone burglars' injuries: A professional weighs in
- 13 Urban Outfitters controversies
- The hilarious hypocrisy of Republicans complaining about the imperial presidency
Subscribe to the Week