1. Jessica Simpson accidentally reveals she's having a boy
Following in the steps of Duchess Kate Middleton, Jessica Simpson has accidentally revealed the gender of her unborn baby — and fittingly, because who is America's royalty if not the erstwhile star of The Dukes of Hazzard? USA Today reports that Simpson accidentally revealed she was having a son — in the grossest way imaginable — during an appearance on Jimmy Kimmel Live, when she complained of morning sickness by saying, "I never knew that a wiener could actually make me nauseous." To the young Simpson who discovers this article while Googling himself 15 years from now: We're sorry.
2. Mark Hamill, Harrison Ford, and Carrie Fisher "already signed" for Star Wars: Episode VII, says George Lucas
Star Wars creator George Lucas may have signed away the franchise and wandered off into retirement (perhaps to a hut on the swamp planet Dagobah), but he's still capable of offering the occasional Star Wars scoop — even when he's not supposed to. According to USA Today, Lucas offhandedly revealed that Mark Hamill, Harrison Ford, and Carrie Fisher would reprise their roles as Luke Skywalker, Han Solo, and Princess Leia Organa, and then half-heartedly tried to take it back. "We had already signed Mark, Carrie, and Harrison — or were pretty much in the final stages of negotiation," said Lucas in an interview with Bloomberg Businessweek. "Maybe I'm not supposed to say that," Lucas added, after searching his feelings and knowing it to be true.
3. Sorry, Marvel has "no plans" for another Incredible Hulk movie
As the characteristically self-centered Iron Man prepares for his third movie to hit theaters later this year, many comic book fans have wondered if Mark Ruffalo — who stole The Avengers with a fascinating, witty, and unpredictable performance, and also by smashing things — will get his very own Hulk movie. But despite the character's popularity, The Hollywood Reporter says Ruffalo recently tweeted that there are currently "no plans for [a] stand alone" Hulk movie featuring his take on the character. It's almost like the other two underperforming Incredible Hulk movies released by Marvel over the past decade scared them off.
4. Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt's new wine has already sold out
Bad news for anyone who wanted to try the inaugural 2012 vintage from Chateau Jolie-Pitt: The initial batch has already sold out. People reports that the celebrity couple, who collaborated with vintner Marc Perrin to make the rose, put the first 6,000 bottles online at a price of $139 for a six-bottle case — only to have the entire supply sell out within five hours. Anyone who still wants to spend way too much for an underwhelming Jolie-Pitt collaboration is advised to go buy Mr. & Mrs. Smith on DVD.
5. Everyone in the U.K. gets to see Star Trek Into Darkness a week before you do
Any Trekkies who simply can't wait any longer than they're physically required to see Star Trek Into Darkness should boldly go to their nearest international airport and buy a ticket to the U.K. According to Slashfilm, the new Star Trek movie is scheduled for release across the pond on May 9 — a full 8 days before the North American release date of May 17. It remains possible that the excruciating delay is part of an elaborate scheme by Star Trek Into Darkness villain and noted British person Benedict Cumberbatch — and if so, it's his most fiendish plot yet.
THE WEEK'S AUDIOPHILE PODCASTS: LISTEN SMARTER
- Who are the real gay marriage bigots?
- What would a U.S.-Russia war look like?
- Sorry Belle Knox, porn still oppresses women
- What the collapse of the Ming Dynasty can tell us about American decline
- Watch The Daily Show mock Fox News' confused man-crush on Vladimir Putin
- Religious liberty should be a liberal value, too
- Why is American internet so slow?
- 10 things you need to know today: March 8, 2014
- Why states should stop limiting the alcohol content in your beer
- Don't worry: World War III will almost certainly never happen
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