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6 of the worst getaway vehicles ever
Note to criminals: You can't outrun police with Power Wheels
No, don't even think about it. This is a toy, not your escape car.
No, don't even think about it. This is a toy, not your escape car. CC BY: alejandrolavinjr
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peeding away from Johnny Law always looks so cool in the movies. Think Ryan Gosling racing a '73 Chevelle through the streets of Los Angeles in Drive, or Thelma and Louise going all YOLO off that cliff in a '66 Thunderbird convertible. But in real life, criminals have to work with whatever is at hand. And sometimes those options are ridiculous. Here, 6 of the worst getaway vehicles ever:

1. Power Wheels
What to do when you've crashed your grown-up car? Grab the nearest Power Wheels toy truck and max that baby out at 5 mph. According to KAIT-TV, that's what an "irate and very intoxicated" Jamie Jeanette Craft attempted to do on Sunday night in Jonesbro, Ark., after wrecking her Pontiac Grand Am against the side of a mobile home. Needless to say, the 29-year-old woman, dressed tastefully in "a white sweat shirt with no pants or shoes," was easily apprehended by police.

2. Merry-go-round
In January, at the Orland Square Mall in Glenwood, Fla., Wardellas L. Richmond attempted the quixotic feat of getaway via merry-go-round, in a scene that almost certainly would have benefited from the Benny Hill theme song playing in the background:

Once confronted by security there, the man ran and jumped onto the Merry Go Round, stepping off the ride when security would get on, and getting back on when they would step off, police said. [Orland Park Patch]

Then, perhaps after contemplating the cyclical nature of time or simply becoming dizzy, the man ran toward Sears and was apprehended by police.

3. Segway
In October of last year, a drunken Swede, angry that a club in Malmö was closed for the night, created enough of a ruckus to attract the attention of several police officers. According to The Local, he then "jumped onto a Segway and rammed one of the police officers, running over him." It should be noted that the Segway is also Justin Bieber's preferred method of escape.

4. Horse and cart
In 2008, Janos Jakab tried to smuggle 100,000 packets of cigarettes and tobacco, worth around $450,000, across the Romanian border into Ukraine. His vehicle of choice? A horse and cart. "In general smugglers are becoming more and more sophisticated in their methods of getting contraband across borders," border police told the Daily Mail. "But this case proved the exception to the rule."

5. Pedal boat
Bad idea: Trying to escape police on a pedal boat. Worse idea: Trying to escape police on a pedal boat when you are afraid of water. "He didn't have a shirt on and he was screaming like he was scared to death," witness Bruce Boltze told WTSP-TV in 2010. "I don't think he knew how to swim." The man, Christopher Schaumburger, tried to cross Lake Tarpon near Tampa Bay after initially trying to escape the scene of a break-in on a bicycle.

6. The bus
While we usually approve of people utilizing public transportation, perhaps right after you commit a crime is the wrong time to take the bus. In September 2012, Sacramento police responded to a call reporting "suspicious-looking men carrying duffel bags," according to the Los Angeles Times. The cops found the three suspects waiting patiently for the city bus — with the contents of a recently burglarized home in their bags. In the words of one Sacramento resident: "Criminals usually are idiots and that's why most of them get caught."

Keith Wagstaff is a staff writer at TheWeek.com covering politics and current events. He has previously written for such publications as TIME, Details, VICE, and the Village Voice.

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