1. Lindsay Lohan was just joking about being pregnant
Yesterday, Lindsay Lohan pulled the laziest April Fools’ joke imaginable when she tweeted that she was pregnant. But because it was Lindsay Lohan, a bunch of people believed it anyway. "Is she pregnant, or only joking?" asked People. That prompted Lohan to delete the pregnancy tweet and scornfully reply, "April Fools. Where’s everyone’s sense of humor?" — which is, to be fair to People, something that most of us save for actual jokes.
2. Justin Biebers pranks TMZ
If Lohan's April Fools' joke fell flat, Justin Bieber pulled a prank on fans and paparazzi alike that was — dare we say it? — actually pretty clever. "As promised taking all fan phone calls TODAY," tweeted Bieber, providing a toll-free phone number that Gossip Cop reports is actually the tip line for gossip website TMZ. "Well played Bieber, well played," tweeted TMZ reporter Dax Holt, who is presumably already plotting his next move in the endless game of cat-and-mouse that Bieber and the site continue to play.
3. John Mayer confirms Katy Perry breakup
Bad news for anyone holding out hope that last week’s reports of a John Mayer-Katy Perry breakup were just tabloid gossip: The Daily News reports that on today’s episode of The Ellen DeGeneres Show, Mayer responded "correct" when Ellen asked him if they’d broken up — so yeah, that sounds pretty definitive. "It was a very private relationship going in. It was a private relationship during, and it's a private relationship still," said Mayer, while discussing said relationship on a national talk show.
4. Robin Thicke’s latest music video was banned from YouTube
In his bid to prove he’s not just a lesser Justin Timberlake, singer Robin Thicke has pulled out all the stops, packing the video for his new single "Blurred Lines" with tons of nudity. But according to E! Online, the move has backfired, earning the video a ban from YouTube. The video "was too hot," explained Thicke in a tweet, somehow failing to add, "And it also violated YouTube's user agreement." Anyone still looking for nudity on the Internet can go to pretty much any other website.
5. Don’t worry: Justin Bieber’s monkey is fine
Beliebers and monkey fans alike panicked yesterday over reports that Justin Bieber’s monkey had been confiscated and quarantined in Germany after the pop star failed to register his pet through the appropriate channels. But you can keep Beliebing: The monkey is safe and sound in a local animal shelter, where’s he’s whiling away the time with his favorite stuffed animal. "We're thinking the monkey, Bieber's 19th birthday present, misses his human," says People, which has apparently hired Dr. Doolittle to do their pets coverage.
THE WEEK'S AUDIOPHILE PODCASTS: LISTEN SMARTER
- Obama just kneecapped Jeb Bush and Chris Christie's 2016 prospects
- 43 TV shows to watch in 2014
- It's official: The religious right is calling it quits
- 6 tiny scientific mistakes that created huge disasters
- 10 classic Sesame Street moments we wouldn't show today's kids
- How to be the most productive person in your office — and still get home by 5:30 p.m.
- The dangerously childish morality of liberal ObamaCare supporters
- The slippery slope of Twitter's attempts to stop harassment against women
- The Hunger Games: Mockingjay — Part 1: 10 major differences between the book and the movie
- What would a U.S.-Russia war look like?
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