1. Mike Tyson's ex-girlfriend cooked and ate one of his pet pigeons
One way to figure out that your girlfriend isn't "the one"? When she cooks and eats one of your pets — a lesson that Mike Tyson, noted boxer/actor/pigeon-raiser learned the hard way after an ex-girlfriend ate one of his feathered friends. "I was dating this young lady and she said, 'I don't know why you're flying those damn birds, you should be eating them,'" said Tyson in an interview quoted at People. "She happened to grab one — and she cooked one and proceeded to eat it." (Insert obligatory Fatal Attraction reference here.) Tyson adds that killing and eating his beloved pet "wasn't the right thing to do" and "wasn't cool," in the greatest understatement on record since "The Hangover Part II wasn't as good as the first one."
2. Will Smith defends Justin Bieber for acting like a jerk
Cherubic rapscallion Justin Bieber has gotten a lot of bad press lately, but according to Will Smith, you shouldn't blame Bieber for throwing tantrums in dance clubs and abandoning monkeys in Germany — you should blame cell phones! "There are things that are just simple and normal for a 19-year-old to do," said Smith in an interview quoted at E! Online. "I was able to have privacy because everybody's phone didn't have a camera on it" —though cameras did manage to capture the time he got in one little fight and his mom got scared, and said "you're moving with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air."
3. MTV is prepping a Scream TV show
Do you like watered-down rehashes of scary movies? If four consecutive films somehow weren't enough to to whet your appetite for Scream, MTV has some very good news for you: A TV show based on the Wes Craven horror franchise is currently in development. MTV News reports that the network has ordered a one-hour pilot "aimed at reinventing the smash films that introduced the world to maniacal killer Ghostface." The pilot is reportedly slated to air in summer 2014, which should be just enough time for you to dust off that old Ghostface costume you wore for Halloween in high school.
4. The British royal family took a trip to Hogwarts
Today, in impossibly British things happening: Prince Harry, Prince William, and Duchess Kate Middleton attended the inauguration of Warner Bros.' new studio in Hertfordshire, England, and spent at least some of their time playing with Harry Potter wands. According to the Daily Mail, the royal trio were presented with their very own wands, and immediately pretended to cast spells at each other. Unfortunately, other hyper-stereotypical British icons — including James Bond, William Shakespeare, and Earl Grey tea — were unable to make an appearance.
5. Attention, China: You can see Django Unchained now
Though Django Unchained has already been released on DVD in the United States, Chinese filmgoers are still waiting to see Tarantino's latest (unless they bought one of the thousands and thousands of bootleg DVDs currently available). But after months of government-mandated cuts and delays, Django is finally scheduled to gallop into movie theaters on May 12. Though the film was originally scheduled to open April 11, The Hollywood Reporter speculates that "a scene involving frontal nudity may have raise the ire of some Chinese government officials," necessitating a delay. Django Unchained's many absurdly bloody sequences, which make up at least 75 percent of the movie, have presumably been left relatively untouched.
THE WEEK'S AUDIOPHILE PODCASTS: LISTEN SMARTER
- Ted Cruz is the new Sarah Palin
- How to be the most productive person in your office — and still get home by 5:30 p.m.
- How liberals are unwittingly paving the way for the legalization of adult incest
- Watch out, China — America is working on dogfighting drones
- 10 things you need to know today: October 1, 2014
- 43 TV shows to watch in 2014
- Why colleges' insistence on 'diversity' actually fails disadvantaged kids
- Why the Chinese military is only a paper dragon
- Bill O'Reilly and Stephen Colbert are accidentally having a serious debate on ISIS
- The dumb war in Syria will haunt Democrats' 2014 prospects
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