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WATCH: Jon Stewart discovers who actually won the Iraq War
Hint: It wasn't America, or Iraq, or even Daniel Day-Lewis
 

The Iraq War, or at least America's involvement in the violence in Iraq, is basically over — though the bloodshed isn't. With sectarian violence flaring, May was the bloodiest month in Iraq since 2007, and April wasn't much better. But Iraqis aren't the only recent casualties.

"Another leftist narrative died on Sunday," says Gordon C. Chang at National Review, "when The New York Times reported that the Chinese have been the biggest beneficiary of the recent Iraqi oil boom." From now on, "no longer can one credibly argue that American soldiers died for the profits of Western oil companies."

Jon Stewart at The Daily Show is on the same page — sort of. We've finally figured out who won the Iraq War, Stewart says, and the winner — China — wasn't even a nominee! The protesters had it wrong: It wasn't "No Blood for Oil," Stewart says. It was "Blood for No Oil."

How could Iraq sell all its oil to China? Stewart harrumphs, in mostly mock outrage: "Come on, man! We launched a sustained shock-and-awe bombing campaign on your country, reduced your already stressed infrastructure to rubble, and unleashed a bloody sectarian conflict that even now costs your country hundreds of lives per month... and this is how you repay us?"

In the second half of the segment, Stewart compares Iraq to a slot machine, the U.S. to a retiree pumping quarters into it for hours until finally getting up for a bathroom break, and China to the vulture who walks up, drops a quarter in, and wins the jackpot. To add insult to injury, Stewart says, China opposed the Iraq invasion and even tried to arm Saddam Hussein. Good thing we taught Iraq all about capitalism, Stewart concludes.

For your "moment of Zen," to borrow a phrase from The Daily Show, here's Donald Trump — a figure of regular ridicule from Stewart — sounding suspiciously like Stewart... on Fox & Friends:

 
Peter Weber is a senior editor at TheWeek.com, and has handled the editorial night shift since 2008. A graduate of Northwestern University, Peter has worked at Facts on File and The New York Times Magazine. He speaks Spanish and Italian, and plays in an Austin rock band.

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