News Item: "...in their first meeting since Xi assumed power from ex-president Hu Jintao..."
Who gave up power?
No. I mean the man's name.
Wait. Who has the power now?
A woman is in charge of China?
Xi is not a woman.
Who is not a woman?
Neither is Xi...
News Item: "...out of respect for a tradition of bipartisan comity..."
Whenever you see the word "comity" in a news story, replace it with "comedy."
You will never go wrong.
News Item: QT column arrives at TheWeek.com
And will try to achieve comity where it can.
News Headline: "Is Wall Street still untouchable?"
News Headline: "Obama and the Dems in bed with Wall Street?"
No, no, no.
It is the Republicans who are in bed with Wall Street.
The Democrats like to curl up at the foot of the bed.
News Headline: "Spying on citizens: 'It's called protecting America'"
Katharine Rylaarsdam, a Baltimore reader, writes that she is reminded of what King Mongkut sang in The King and I:
If allies are strong with power to protect me,
Might they not protect me out of all I own?
News Headline: "Sleep-deprived men may misread a woman's signals: study"
Why should sleep-deprived men be any different from the rest?
News Headline: "Asteroid passes between Earth and the moon, surprising everyone"
That would be Asteroid 2013 LR6.
The news media seem to have taken a sudden interest in asteroids, after having ignored seven others discovered just as they passed between Earth and the moon.
So far this year.
Those would be Asteroid 2013 DA14, HT25, XY32, WC20, CY, BR27 and CL129.
Not that there is anything to worry about.
News Headline: "Check out Oscar Mayer's awesome bacon ad"
Add awe to the list of things that aren't what they used to be.
News Headline: "Glenn Beck: I could have said things differently"
But understatement is alive and well.
QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language:
News Headline: "Top Democrat: Issa squashing info on IRS probe, approach is 'accuse, then prove' "
Never hesitate to squash anyone who uses "squash" instead of "quash."
Beverly Feldt, a Homewood, Ill., reader, writes:
"I hear everyone saying 'It's the Cubs verse the Dodgers' or 'The Cubs versed the Dodgers.' Soon to be standard?"
It seems to be taking a turn for the--
QT will stop it.
QT will stop it now.
Write to QT at email@example.com
QT appears Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
- The 10 worst-reviewed movies of 2013
- Watch The Daily Show mock the NSA and the gamers they're spying on
- 10 things you need to know today: December 10, 2013
- The secrets of happy families
- Diagnosing the Home Alone burglars' injuries: A professional weighs in
- Jupiter Ascending: Watch the latest sci-fi trailer from the creators of The Matrix
- Americans are wealthier than ever*
- 7 enduring lessons from It's a Wonderful Life
- 9 things you didn't know were named after people
- President Obama snapped a selfie during Nelson Mandela's memorial service
Subscribe to the Week