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The QT: The odds of Earth's destruction-by-asteroid, the Intelligent Designer's psychedelic spree, and more
A veteran journalist, tongue firmly in cheek, riffs on the latest headlines
It's slim to none, people.
It's slim to none, people. Thinkstock

News Headline: "Militants attack U.N. compound in Somalia"
News Headline: "Russia warns against arming Syrian rebels"
News Headline: "U.S. Navy weapons sharpened for next generation of warfare"
For those keeping track of the dawning of the Age of Aquarius.

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News Headline: "Obama surveillance defies campaign civil liberty pledge"
Or do you have something against the politics of change?

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News Headline: "Giant fluorescent pink slugs found at top of Australian mountain"
News Headline: "Sheep-eating plant about to bloom for first time in 15 years"
How do we persuade the Intelligent Designer to check into rehab?

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Modern Education + the Criminal Mind =
A man robbing a gas station in England took care to conceal his identity by covering his head with a clear plastic bag.

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News Headline: "Does life have a purpose?"
There is a headline writer somewhere who needs some cheering up.

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News Item: "The FBI has called off the dig for Jimmy Hoffa in a suburban Detroit field where a tipster insisted he was buried alive..."
J.S., a Germantown, Tenn., reader, says he could tell from the start the story was full of holes.

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News Item: NASA officials put the chance of a dangerous asteroid hitting Earth in the next year at only 1 in 20,000.
So will you stop worrying?
In other news, a father and son golfing in Richmond, Texas, hit holes-in-one on the same hole, beating odds of 17 million to 1.

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QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language;
News Item: "U.S. District Judge Denise Cote, who played her cards close to the chest throughout the proceedings..."
Bill Scott, an East Northport, N.Y., reader, writes:
"I thought the expression was 'close to the vest.' "
Either way. Depends on how you're dressed.
"Waistcoat" is pronounced WES-kit, by the way.

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Write to QT at zaysmith.qt@gmail.com

QT appears Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.

Zay N. Smith is a Chicago writer. Before starting the QT column he worked at the Chicago Sun-Times as a reporter, foreign correspondent and writer of major features.

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