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7 possible events if Washington, D.C., hosts the 2024 Olympics
And the gold medal for political hackery goes to...
U-S-A! U-S-A!
U-S-A! U-S-A! Illustration by Lauren Hansen | Images courtesy of Corbis
I

t looks like Washington, D.C., has officially thrown its hat into the ring for the 2024 Olympic Games.

The capital was one of 35 U.S. cities, along with Los Angeles, Philadelphia, and San Diego, that received letters from the U.S. Olympic Committee looking to determine their interest. The next step for organizers is to raise around $5 million, seed money that will be used to present the case in 2014 for why the city should spend up to $6 billion in preparation for the Games.

In the spirit of the Olympic Games, people on Twitter have already started competing in one of Washington's most hallowed traditions: Cynical punditry, organized under the hashtag #DCOlympicEvents.

What might our more wrinkled lawmakers be competing in during 2024?

Possible competitors: Texas state Senator Wendy Davis (D), who by 2024 may have filibustered her way into national politics. Also, Chuck Hagel, who leaped over some serious hurdles to become the secretary of Defense.



Possible competitors: Everyone who has ever worked in Congress. (Special media division: Fox News' Bill O'Reilly and future MSNBC host Alec Baldwin.)



Possible competitors: President Barack Obama, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.), and House Speaker John Boehner (R-Ohio).



Possible competitors: Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas), former Sen. Rick Santorum (R-Penn.), and every other potential Republican presidential candidate already stumping ahead of the Ames Straw Poll in Iowa.



Possible competitors: Space junk, confused American voters.



Possible competitors: Former lobbyist Jack Abramoff, plus any congressmen supporting suspiciously bipartisan legislation that relax regulations on banks.



Possible competitors: Gen. Keith Alexander, director of the National Security Agency, and the American people, whether they like it or not.

Keith Wagstaff is a staff writer at TheWeek.com covering politics and current events. He has previously written for such publications as TIME, Details, VICE, and the Village Voice.

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