Thanks to President Obama, the brave U.S. Marine Corps will now flounce into action wearing womanly white caps suitable only for pretty French maids. So emasculated will the Marines be, that other nations' soldiers will wolf whistle and make kissy faces at them.
That's essentially what some members of the media would have you believe, after the Marine Corps reportedly proposed a change to its uniform hats, known as "covers." According to The New York Post, a "plan by President Obama" would replace the iconic white covers worn by Marines with a "new version that some have derided as so 'girly' that they would make the French blush."
The unisex "Dan Daly" cover has a narrower crown, which has apparently angered Marines who believe real men only wear broad-crowned hats with their manly brass-buttoned blazers and pleated, sky blue dress pants. One senior Marine source angrily told the Post they look like "women's hats."
"The Marines deserve better," he grumbled. "It makes them look ridiculous."
And what does Obama have to do with it? An internal Department of Defense memo reportedly encourages the Marine Corps to introduce a standard, unisex hat for both male and female soldiers. Such a fancy European edict could only have come from the pen of a socialist-in-chief intent on undermining our military prowess, we are led to assume.
"The only problem?" said Jennifer Hlad in Stars and Stripes. "It's not true."
The reality is that the manufacturer of covers for female Marine Corps is going out of business, so the Armed Forces needs to find a new one. The Marine Corps Uniform Board has proposed two alternatives — women in the Marine Corps should either adopt the current male cover, or all Marines should adopt the Dan Daly hat. No decision has yet been made, and the board is asking for feedback on the choices.
Baffled Marine Corps officials also made it clear that the commander-in-chief has nothing whatsoever to do with what Marines wear on their heads. "The president in no way, shape, or form directed the Marine Corps to change our uniform cover," it said in a statement.
If the Marines do decide to adopt the cover, Devil Dogs concerned at the hat's emasculating impact should remember the example of Sgt Maj. Dan Daly, who gave the hat its name. The two-time Medal of Honor recipient is famous for yelling, "Come on you sons of bitches, do you want to live forever?" as he led a charge in France in World War I. It's fair to assume his men didn't question his masculinity then.
THE WEEK'S AUDIOPHILE PODCASTS: LISTEN SMARTER
- Yes, Republicans can impeach President Obama
- The mystery behind China's aggressive push into space
- Why Texas' abortion rates aren't falling as quickly as everyone expected
- Here's the schedule very successful people follow every day
- What religious traditionalists can teach us about sex
- The 5 best and worst states for a well-lived life
- Why all drugs should be legal. (Yes, even heroin.)
- 7 ideas from ancient thinkers that will improve your modern life
- The NFL is terrified of the culture war
- The weird obsession that's ruining the GOP
Subscribe to the Week