When it comes to slaughtering Jedi masters in close-quarter combat and orchestrating the total annihilation of advanced civilizations, Darth Vader is a total pro. But when it comes to snapping selfies... not so much.
In the debut post for the new @StarWars Instagram account, the Sith Lord tried his evil hand at some modern self-portraiture. The result is this.
Not great. Perhaps he fails to understand the nuances of the Oxford English Dictionary's word of the year, or perhaps his vision is obscured by the Dyson-esque breathing contraption he wears over his face. Regardless, taking a proper selfie should be an easy feat for someone who has mastered the art of moving objects with his mind.
How did Vader blow it? Here's what he's doing wrong.
1. He's not using the front-facing camera
It's there in plain sight — the little camera icon wearing a hula hoop. Without the front-facing camera, you can't even see yourself while you're taking a selfie. If you're going for a higher fidelity shot with a rear-facing camera, I understand. But typically that requires the proximity of a dirty bathroom mirror.
2. He's wearing gloves and using a touchscreen
You're not going to be able to press the shutter on that tiny phone. Then again, maybe this is one of those instances where having telekinetic powers is advantageous.
3. His hashtags aren't optimized
Minor detail: If you're taking a gratuitous picture of yourself, #gpoy is the preferred nomenclature, not #gpom.
4. He's surrounded by dead Stormtroopers
Um, elephant in the room: Your minions are all dead. Probably not the best time to be snapping a selfie. Not only is that extremely tasteless, but it is very disrespectful to the brave men and women who enlisted to serve the Galactic Empire in the first place. May the Force have mercy on their souls.
Now with any luck, Lord Vader will take these criticisms in stride and his next selfie will be much better. Just please don't blow up my home world.
THE WEEK'S AUDIOPHILE PODCASTS: LISTEN SMARTER
- After Ferguson: Stop deferring to the cops
- 43 TV shows to watch in 2014
- Ferguson riots were terrible — but this racist reaction was worse
- 7 grammar rules you really should pay attention to
- Is it now OK to have sex with animals?
- The hilarious hypocrisy of Republicans complaining about the imperial presidency
- How to be the most productive person in your office — and still get home by 5:30 p.m.
- Don't argue about politics this Thanksgiving. Just don't.
- In Ferguson, Michael Brown lost his life — and America's police lost the benefit of the doubt
- Hey, scolds: Stop telling us to enjoy a healthy Thanksgiving
Subscribe to the Week