When Jabba the Hutt wanted revenge on notorious smuggler Han Solo, he dispatched an entire team of bounty hunters to track him down. But if you'd rather have President Obama encased in a block of carbonite, you have a much simpler option: click on over to eBay, where you can buy a full-sized carbonite block containing Obama for the low, low price of $3500.
According to seller skaar1982, the prop comes directly from The Glenn Beck program, which aired an extended Star Wars riff in the run-up to the presidential election in 2012. But don't give Beck any credit for Obama's capture; according to Beck himself, Obama was apprehended by the bounty hunter Romna Fett, a none-too-subtle allusion to Mitt Romney. "I think it was like, in the third episode," says Beck. "Didn't Yoda say something like, 'Freeze Obama in carbonite, you should'? And then Romna Fett chased Obama into this giant carbon freezer, and froze him in a block of carbonite."
Unfortunately, the narrative of Glenn Beck's right-wing Star Wars universe gets a lot fuzzier from there. It's unclear how the frozen Obama fell into the hands of skaar1982, but I'm going to go out on a limb and say that he's probably Jabba the Hutt. (The item listing does say that prospective bidders should "feel free to ask any questions," so anyone who speaks Huttese should go for it.)
If the $3500 carbonite slab is a little outside your price range — and you can't use a Jedi mind trick to get the price lowered — you could always settle for Romna Fett's helmet, which is currently on sale for just $50. That auction ends in less than a week, so make like Han Solo and bid first.
THE WEEK'S AUDIOPHILE PODCASTS: LISTEN SMARTER
- How to be the most productive person in your office — and still get home by 5:30 p.m.
- How our botched understanding of 'science' ruins everything
- Save the world... by changing how you pee
- 43 TV shows to watch in 2014
- 10 things you need to know today: September 22, 2014
- Does solar energy have a battery problem?
- Why does Fareed Zakaria still have a job?
- The science of sex: 4 harsh truths about dating and mating
- 6 things the happiest families all have in common
- Can the U.S. Army degrade and destroy Ebola?
Subscribe to the Week