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RT's alternative universe of programming

March 6, 2014, at 1:53 PM
 
RT.com could feature a show called Law and Order: Harass Pussy Riot Unit.

RT.com could feature a show called Law and Order: Harass Pussy Riot Unit. Photo: (Illustration by Lauren Hansen | Photo by AP Photo/Denis Tyrin)

I, for one, welcome our new Russian propagandists. RT.com is probably more popular now than ever before, since popularity correlates with interest, be it benign or unsavory. Now would be a great time for RT executives to capitalize (sorry) on the attention and expand their menu of exciting programs.

Here are a few pitches.

Anchors AWOL
Each day, an ambitious RT.com anchor throws the news division under the bus. The tag line: a "self-serving" of courage.

Cossacks and Colmes
Defending America, liberal radio host Alan Colmes is paired with a uniformed Cossack militiaman, who duly beats him when he crosses an ever-shifting line. Forget red, white, and blue — Colmes will be black and blue at the end of every show.

Bear
A be-bearded, hairy, monotoned anchor gets two hours to interview news makers whilst standing in front of a large screen.

Conversations in Cars with Dashcams
Russia's top comedians spend a half hour in Moscow traffic interviewing their favorite right-wing nationalist about the news of the day.

Thom Hartmann 180
RT.com's sexiest male anchor on the news of the day, from half of all perspectives.

It's Now On The Record with Edward Snowden
He's got 1.7 million documents to share, and you know you're curious to read them.

America Does It, Too!
Gay-bashing. Racism. Imperialism. Spying. Plutocracy. A show devoted to what we love about America.

Perhaps RT could branch out into entertainment, too:

Law and Order: Whenever We Feel Like It, and its spin-off, Law and Order: Harass Pussy Riot Unit

Moscow City Police: First Operational Regiment
A spin-off of Brooklyn Nine Nine. Each week, the horse-mounted, baton-waving cops assault a new crop of wily gay protestors.

Dachas of Matryoshkas
An ambitious, hard-nippled KGB agent aims high, orchestrating coups, wars, and false-flag operations to rise to the top of the oligarchy and save the world.

 

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