RSS
The Week contest — Google search
 
"Maybe Google has the answer..."
"Maybe Google has the answer..." (Thinkstock)

Last week’s question: Researchers recently found that Google users conduct 1,000 monthly searches for “how to hide a dead body,” 1,900 for “how to get away with murder,” and 40,500 for “why did I get married?” Please help Google by providing an answer to that last search.

RESULTS:

FIRST PLACE: I needed a toaster
Donn Smith, Columbus, Ohio

SECOND PLACE: To ensure there’d always be someone to blame
Jane Rothschild, Jacksonville, Fla.

THIRD PLACE: It’s difficult to give yourself the “You’re an idiot” look
Dan Shumaker, Framingham, Mass.


HONORABLE MENTIONS:
Last friend with benefits
Marv Hovatter, Sausalito, Calif.

So I wouldn’t be the subject of the first two searches
John Brofka, Swansea, Ill.

To provide spousal immunity for the murder and burial you are thinking about
Brad Varmo, Broomfield, Colo.

Because her daddy had a shotgun
Joanne Sullivan, Maspeth, N.Y.

To stay in America after your green card expired
Ken Kellam III, Dallas

To qualify for husband-and-wife mixed doubles tennis tournaments
Lou Franzini, St. Augustine, Fla.

Did you mean “Why did I throw away the best years of my life?”
Nancy V. Riley, Palo Alto, Calif.

Those four irresistible words: “Social Security spousal benefits”
Steve McConnell, Walpole, Mass.

I needed a tax deduction
Bill O’Meara, Bedford, N.H.

To teach you humility
James Smith, Mill Valley, Calif.

Because my life isn’t tough enough as it is
Judith L. Strzempko, Westfield, Mass.

It was on my bucket list
J. Stienstra, Lancaster, Pa.

For better or for worse: I could have done better and she could have done worse
Frank Pfeifer, Grand Junction, Colo.

Seemed less risky than “how to hide a dead body” or “how to get away with murder” at the time
Richard Koretz, La Quinta, Calif.

Because I really believed that “what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas”
Sandy Dibble, Las Vegas

Because of the evidence that married people live longer than single ones.
Teri Kreyche, Tustin, Calif.

The doctor told me I had six months to live. I got married so it would seem like forever
Kyle Parr, Roscommon, Mich.

“Life is suffering” —Buddha
Andrew Tuite, Chicago

Because alcohol advertising is legal on TV
Steve Axelrod, Delray Beach, Fla.

Tick, tick, tick, etc.
Alisa Huckaby, Mount Eden, Ky.

Most people get married for love. That is spelled S-E-X
Floyd Murphy, Orem, Utah


 

THE WEEK'S AUDIOPHILE PODCASTS: LISTEN SMARTER

Subscribe to the Week