Police in Congo have arrested 13 sorcerers for using magic to steal men’s penises. At least 14 victims have come forward to say that the sorcerers cast spells that caused their penises to either disappear or shrink dramatically, and then demand a ransom for the organs’ return. Far-fetched as the stories may sound, witness Alain Kalala, 29, a Kinshasa phone-credit salesman, assured reporters that “it’s real. Just yesterday here, there was a man who was a victim. We saw. What was left was tiny.”
A fan of radio shock jock Howard Stern was overjoyed when he thought he’d spotted his idol on Beverly Hills’ Rodeo Drive, says The National Enquirer. As the tall, shaggy-haired figure in sunglasses emerged from a limo, the star-struck young man rushed up, yelling, “Yo, Howard, I am such a huge fan, man!” before realizing that he had, in fact, accosted Cher, 61, the pop legend and Oscar-winning actress. “You thought I was Howard Stern?” Cher yelled. “What the hell did you have for breakfast this morning, a bowl of stupid?”
A Chinese man who ran out of money after surgeons began reconstructing his chest in 1998 has been using old cigarette packets to cover the gaping hole in his chest. Rao Jiacang, 51, says he changes the cigarette packets several times a day. Nevertheless, the 7-by-3-inch hole in his chest—which affords an excellent view of his beating heart—has become a burden to him, and Rao is now appealing for a donor to fund reconstructive surgery. Since his surgery 10 years ago, says Rao, “I haven’t dared to go outside, in case people get frightened.”
THE WEEK'S AUDIOPHILE PODCASTS: LISTEN SMARTER
- After Ferguson: Stop deferring to the cops
- How to adopt the perfect rescue dog
- 43 TV shows to watch in 2014
- Why the poor can't catch a break on Thanksgiving
- How to be the most productive person in your office — and still get home by 5:30 p.m.
- Ferguson riots were terrible — but this racist reaction was worse
- Is it now OK to have sex with animals?
- The lessons of Japan's latest recession
- The hilarious hypocrisy of Republicans complaining about the imperial presidency
- What would a U.S.-Russia war look like?
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