Good week for:
Doing what I say, not what I do, with the news that the leader of one Mexican drug cartel called “the Family” has insisted that when gang members are not selling cocaine and murdering rivals, they attend gang-run classes in ethics, values, and personal improvement, and abstain from drugs and alcohol.
Total makeovers, after Andrea Wachner of Los Angeles hired a stripper to attend her 10-year high school reunion in her place. Wachner, a self-conscious geek in school, used a hidden earpiece to coach her stand-in, who wore, and then shed, a slinky dress and fishnet stockings.
Tinker Bell, a 5-pound Chihuahua belonging to Dorothy Utley of Michigan, who was lifted into the sky by a violent storm and carried away. After a fruitless, two-day search, a pet psychic told Utley to go to a wooded area a mile away, where she found the very hungry but frantically happy dog.
Bad week for:
Keeping kosher, after the first case of swine flu was confirmed in Israel. “We will use the term ‘Mexican flu’ in order not to have to pronounce the word ‘swine,’” said Deputy Health Minister Yakov Litzman of the ultra-religious United Torah Judaism party.
Zoran Bulatovic of Serbia, who cut off his finger and ate it to protest a textile company’s refusal to pay some of its workers for years. “It hurt like hell,” admitted Bulatovic.
Eating out, after the New York Post revealed that some trendy Manhattan restaurants are making up for a downturn in business by sneakily charging diners for bread, the butter to go with it, tap water, and the ice in drinks.
THE WEEK'S AUDIOPHILE PODCASTS: LISTEN SMARTER
- 43 TV shows to watch in 2014
- How to be the most productive person in your office — and still get home by 5:30 p.m.
- This is what happens when Republicans actually enact their radical agenda
- How I dug myself out of debt — and stayed that way
- 6 things the happiest families all have in common
- 6 super-helpful iOS8 tricks you probably don't know about
- The Obama administration's nonstop incoherence on ISIS
- The science of sex: 4 harsh truths about dating and mating
- Why so many Christians won't back down on gay marriage
- Why Japan is turning to high-tech floating islands to solve its energy needs
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