Results: With airlines adding fees to fees, we asked you to predict the next surcharge they’ll levy for something previously free and thus we heard a lot about “pay as you go.” Like—literally. When nature calls. Insert a coin. Also coin-operated safety belts and tray tables, a corking fee to open the 3 oz. bottles of anything you may have brought on board, and of course a taxi meter ticking all the time you spend lollygagging in line for the runway. That’ll teach you to leave O’Hare at 6 on a Friday night!
FIRST PRIZE: “In the unlikely event of loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will drop down. To start the flow of oxygen, simply insert your credit card…”
Juliane Austin, Adams, MA (and many others, very similar)
$45 water park fee whenever plane lands in the Hudson.
John Parry, Laurel, MD
THIRD PRIZE: $100 On-Time Departure Fee. $25 Delay Complaint Fee.
James J. Treacy, Glen Rock, NJ (and others)
“View seating” (formerly window seats) @ $10; “Access seating” (formerly aisle seats) @ $10.
George Garmany, Boulder, CO
A toll to walk through First Class to get to your seat.
Susan S. Coffee, New York City
$15 fee if you don’t bring your own bag of peanuts, $10 charge if you do.
Marjorie Moeller, Appleton, WI
Additional 10% surcharge for flying alone.
Ronald Wackowski, Andover, MA
$5 co-pilot co-pay.
Richard Hamilton, Ewing, NJ
$2 for every 5 degrees of arc that you recline your seat.
Conway Redding, La Mesa, CA (and others)
50 cents for kids to ride the luggage carousel.
Denny Svitek, Eight Four, PA
$10 charge for setting off the metal detector.
Sarah Shoenberger, Arcata, CA
$35 for use of defibrillator during flight. Fee must be paid prior to use.
Dave Schwartz, Henrico, VA
$10 for a good seat on the life raft, $5 to hang off the side.
Steve Fisher, Winthrop, WA
Tollgate at emergency exits.
Kenneth Osborne, San Diego
$20 to use rollaway stairs to enter or exit the aircraft in lieu of no-charge rope ladder alternative.
Raymond Smith, Lynn, MA
$9 fee for bumping your head on the overhead bin as you take your seat. $3 additional penalty for looking up at the bin after you bump into it.
David Pepper, Malibu, CA
$10 to sit closer to the black box.
P.J. Wells, Canton, OH
Fee Development Fee: To offset the cost of identifying and implementing new airline fees.
Ed Davis, Hollister, CA (and others, of course!)
THE WEEK'S AUDIOPHILE PODCASTS: LISTEN SMARTER
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- Why are so many elderly Asians killing themselves?
- Why I'm sick and tired of seeing naked women on HBO
- Here's proof that Justin Bieber is just as spoiled as you always thought
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- Here's how Iran is covering Russia's invasion of Crimea
- Why Ted Cruz is the real-life Frank Underwood
- Watch Zach Galifianakis get annoyed at President Obama on Between Two Ferns
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- What would a U.S.-Russia war look like?
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