18 apple varieties with badass names

Bloody ploughman? Razor russet? These aren't your grandmother's apples.

Awesome apples
(Image credit: (Peter Macdiarmid/Getty Images))

It's apple season again, and the markets are filling up with varieties bearing lovely names, from honeycrisp to autumn glory, with plenty of variations on gold, sweet, delicious, sun, and beauty in between. But not all apples are into being judged by some fake-grin, beauty-queen standard. Some apples don't need to keep waving you down with a name that is really just a desperate cry of "look how yummy I am! Don't I look pretty?" Here are 18 varieties that, frankly, don't care what you think. They know their worth and don't need to act all cute. They aren't bad apples, but they are badass.

1. STARK'S EARLIEST

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Arika Okrent

Arika Okrent is editor-at-large at TheWeek.com and a frequent contributor to Mental Floss. She is the author of In the Land of Invented Languages, a history of the attempt to build a better language. She holds a doctorate in linguistics and a first-level certification in Klingon. Follow her on Twitter.