A fish's claim to fame
A Swedish fish factory worker who discovered a salmon with a perfectly shaped crucifix on its belly is planning to take the fish on a national tour. Lars Ludwigson spotted the fish, which has black scales resembling a cross, on a food processing line. Ludwigson said he originally intended to eat the salmon in a “blessed dinner,” but a flurry of interest persuaded him to put it on public display. “But I must conserve it in some way,” he said. “Putting it in alcohol might upset some Christians, so the most biblical method must be to salt it.”

O.J. Simpson, cookie thief
O.J. Simpson was caught red-handed trying to steal more than a dozen cookies from a Nevada prison cafeteria, says the National Enquirer. The former gridiron great, who is serving 33 years for armed robbery, was walking to his cell after lunch when a guard noticed a bulge in his jumpsuit. “Everyone thought he had smuggled in a cellphone,” said a source, “so when the guard started pulling [oatmeal] cookies out of O.J.’s shirt, the other inmates started laughing so hard they nearly fell over.” Simpson, who has swelled to more than 300 pounds in jail, received a warning.

NASA's new experiment
NASA is asking for volunteers who’d like to lie in bed for 24 hours a day for 10 weeks. The test subjects, who’ll have access to TVs, books, and computers, will even wash up in bed. They’ll be paid $12,000, but NASA has warned lazy people looking for easy money not to apply, since it wants to see how prolonged idleness affects fit and healthy people. “We’re not looking for couch potatoes,” warned a spokesman.