A shaggy dog is a shaggy dog
A zoo in central China has been shut down by authorities after it was caught trying to pass off a shaggy dog as a lion. One angry visitor, surnamed Liu, told local media that she uncovered the fraud when she approached a cage marked “African lion” and heard the beast emit a bark. It was a Tibetan mastiff, a large, hairy breed of dog. “I paid good money to see the lion and all I got to see was a dog,” said Liu. The zoo’s staff explained that it couldn’t afford a real lion.

Kanye West's security bill
Kanye West has splashed out $1.7 million on two bomb- and bullet-proof vehicles in a bid to protect Kim Kardashian and their new baby daughter, North, from kidnappers. The rapper commissioned a $400,000 Chevrolet Kodiak based on President Obama’s “Limo One,” said the Daily Star (U.K.), and ordered a $1.3 million military-grade SUV from Latvian automaker Dartz Motorz, which is built to withstand attacks from land mines and rocket-propelled grenades. “Kanye is fully aware that his new family is so high-profile they attract the attention of weirdos and psychopaths,” said a source. “He aims to leave nothing to chance.”

Where the West begins
A drunken Louisiana man was arrested after he allegedly rode his horse into a bar and lassoed a man. Tammy Guidry said she was listening to a band play at Cowboy’s Saloon in Scott, La., when Jeremy Mouton rode his horse through the door. “It was a big horse,” said Guidry. “He came in and nearly clipped the fiddle player.” After being escorted outside, Mouton, 26, allegedly lassoed a man and dragged him around the parking lot. “The city of Scott is where the West begins,” said police Chief Chad Leger, “but this is taking it too far.”