How do I tell people I don't want kids?

Starshine Roshell weighs in with advice on this and other quandaries

Starshine Roshell
(Image credit: Jackie Sallow Photography)

Dear Starshine,

My husband and I don't have children. We don't want any. Yet I find it awkward when people ask whether we have kids. When I say "no," they might think I want them but am unable to have them (people tend to look sympathetic) or people assume that I'll change my mind, and tell me so. (Despite my age, I still look like I'm in prime child-bearing years. Yay, me?) Some people flat-out ask why we don't have kids, and I've tried different answers. (I'll say, "Don't want them" only to be asked why, even though "don't want them" is reason enough; "I'd be a horrible mom," I say with a smile, only to hear, "But you're good with your cats!") What I want to say to these strangers and acquaintances is that I am so sure my mind won't change that I had my tubes tied in my early 30s and that it was one of the best decisions I ever made, because I would not be a good pregnant lady and would be an even worse mother. How do I kindly tell people to worry about their own families and get the hell out of my uterus?

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Starshine Roshell

Starshine Roshell is a veteran journalist and award-winning columnist whose work has appeared in The Hollywood Reporter, New York Post and Westways magazine. She is the author of Keep Your Skirt On, Wife on the Edge and Broad Assumptions.