BIC pens 'for her': A roundup of hilariously sarcastic reviews

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Apparently, some marketing genius at BIC decided that women, too delicate to grip standard BIC pens, needed a writing utensil designed specifically for their tiny, fragile hands. Enter the "BIC for her" line of pens. The slim writing tools — which actually debuted last year — come in an array of soft, pastel ink colors and feature an "attractive barrel design in pink and purple." It's safe to say that the scornful public response to the product line, which came to a head this week, was probably not what BIC expected. Hundreds of amateur comedians have flocked to the "BIC For Her" Amazon page in the United Kingdom, offering up reviews that range from faux outrage ("What next? Vacuum cleaners for him? Irons for him? Stop it!") to blistering sarcasm ("My excitement turned to tears when I realized that they do not come with paper-for-her."). Here, a roundup of the best joke-laden product reviews:

Confusion reigns

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"I was recently given a box of these as a gift from my husband, but I have no idea what to do with them! They're too thin to make a good rolling pin. I can't ladle out my soups with them. And the tiny point doesn't even make a dent when I try to use one to chop veggies! I don't get it. If I can't use it in the kitchen, what the hell am I supposed to do with one???" (via The Mary Sue)

Perfection

"With my special 'woman's hands', made useless as a geisha's feet with carbuncled rings and glittery acrylic nails, I have found the [pens] soft-as-swansdown.... My literary life would be made perfect if BIC could now invent a pen that doesn't even touch my petal skin but hovers in my lilac-stroking... paws like the badly-drawn butterflies that hover over my much-practised-yet-effortless-signature." (via The Mary Sue)

Slippery slope

"We're all joking about this, naturally (a woman using a pen — ridiculous!), but this could have serious implications. What's next, ladies attending universities? Pens to encourage literacy in the lower orders? The modern world is a mad place indeed. Amazon, I do hope you're scrupulous in only selling these to married men to give to their wives. To be used under strict supervision and with a doctor's note of consent." (via Jezebel)

What about us guys?

"I feel I must complain in the strongest terms about the sexism of this item. Where are the 'For Him' pens? How can I embrace my masculinity, when there is no pen for me? Am I destined to just watch all of the women around me falling into a sparkly dream of ponies, crochet and butterflies, while I pace angrily here, unable to access the manly world of construction vehicles, barbeques, motor racing, and science? I can barely adjust my crotch, I am so angry. Make pens For Him. Strong pens. Manly pens. Pens that dress on the right. Pens with good grips for masculine hands. MANPENS!" (via UPROXX)

Mind of its own

"As a MILLIONAIRE AUTHOR of BESTSELLING TECHNO-THRILLERS, I have to say that I was very disappointed with this pen. Whenever I tried to write punchy, in-your-face prose about the nuclear payload capabilities of the B-2 Northrop-Grunmann stealth bomber, I found myself instead writing about shopping, cocktails and friendship. And when I tried to write the title 'OPERATION CRISIS POINT' at the top of the page, I found myself writing 'DIARY OF A THIRTYSOMETHING' instead. Is Jeremy Renner gonna want to star in the movie adaptation of that?" (via UPROXX)

Resignation

"When I saw these I just had to have them, so I asked my Husband to buy them for me. He refused, as he said that owning a pen might make me Think, and then have Ideas of My Own. Then I might start to Write, which would take time away from my wifely duties such as Cooking, Cleaning, and Bearing Children. Of course he was Absolutely Right, none of these tasks require a pen, and so I have to give these one star." (via Yahoo! News)