I come in praise of William. Not myself, mind you, but my name. I have always been grateful my parents chose William, particularly since the runner-up was Byron, my dad’s name. He decided not to pass it along to his firstborn, having wearied of clueless inquisitors saying, “Brian? Myron? What?” In my childhood, there were legions of other Williams, but the name waned in popularity, as parents flocked to “creative” and “unusual” names such as Free, Rocket, Banjo, Apple, Sage, and Kyd. But William is surging back, climbing to No. 3 in the list of most popular boys’ names of 2011, the Social Security Administration announced this week. I take this as a good sign.
Giving your children unique names does them no favor. It is like sending them into life with an odd hat affixed to their heads, or a zebra tattooed on their foreheads. William will cause no double takes or taunts, and has a protean ability to adapt to age and circumstance. As a child, I was Billy, but when my mother scrubbed me of playground dirt, brushed my hair, and sent me off to school, I became William. At age 18 or so, Billy evolved into the more mature-sounding Bill. That’s my casual handle still, but for formal occasions, I can go to my suit closet and pull out William. Other classic boys’ names, such as Christopher, Nicholas, and Alexander, have similar virtues. So do girls’ names such as Katherine, Elizabeth, and Jessica. All have a pleasing versatility, and none will cause the bearer any woe. If you new parents really feel an urge to be creative, buy an easel and some paint. Naming your kid isn’t about you.
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