Want to know the real reason why vampires have "overwhelmed pop culture" lately? said Stephen Marche in Esquire. "Because young straight women want to have sex with gay men." Take the Twilight series: Bella is attracted to Edward "because he is strange, beautiful, and seemingly repulsed by her." It's "the equivalent of lesbian porn for men—both create an atmosphere of sexual abandon that is non-threatening."

I buy the argument that our "collective love of the undead indicates a new acceptance of the Other," said Jezebel. And HBO's True Blood makes an obvious point by including a sign that reads "God Hates Fangs" in its opening credit sequence. "But Twilight doesn't work because Edward's asexual—it works because" he wants Bella so much, "but loves her too much to endanger her."

Marche's theory is "interesting," said Brian Moylan in Gawker, but it's "also total crap." His argument seems to have more to do with "the awkward high school experience he remembers." Girls today are raised in "a Queer Eye culture"—they do "desire gay men, but not as playmates in bicurious spin the bottle." They want companionship, without pressure to have sex.