Click here for results of last week's What Next? Contest: Dalai Lama

Results: Elvis Returns—With Great New Diet! In light of the possibility of online newspapers charging an iTunes-like micropayment for articles, we asked you to predict the ultimate news story that millions would happily pay to read. In response, we heard a lot about aliens landing, Jesus returning, comets hitting and previews of winning lottery numbers. There were also a number of entries about that small fee, such as: How to Avoid Paying Micropayments for Articles. Or, alternatively: How to Make Millions with Micropayments. And, of course, there was Angelina. There is always Angelina. Read on—for free.

First prize: World Leaders Among Dead at Porn Convention Nuclear Accident
Robert Husseman, Eugene, OR

Second prize: Now Hiring
DaQuita Irons, Maineville, OH

Third prize: Hoffa: “My 33 Years Underground”
Debbie Shapiro, Boca Raton


Hillary Files for Divorce
Jack Towe, Cincinnati

Angelina Leaves Brad for Jen
Steven Murphy, Exton, PA

Tiger Woods Really a Robot
Albert Munitz, Savannah

Hollywood’s New Power Couple: Madonngelina
Chris Ondish, Montclair, VA

Your Mother-in-Law Is Coming to Visit…and We Know When
Mark Porrovecchio, Corvallis, OR

Brangelina Adopts John Mayer
Leslie Markus, Cedarhurst, NY