Good week for:

Starfish, after the island of Grenada launched a campaign to persuade tourists not to use the marine animals as Frisbees for their dogs.
The timeless humor of Howard Stern, after researchers determined that the oldest recorded joke—dating to 1900 B.C. Sumeria—is, “Something which has never occurred since time immemorial: A young woman did not fart in her husband’s lap.”

Oprah Winfrey, whose endorsement of Barack Obama won him 1,015,000 votes in the Democratic primaries, according to a new study by two University of Maryland economists.

Bad week for:

Skinny-dipping, after German police tried to arrest a man who had snuck into a pool with his buddies for a midnight nude swim. The naked suspect fled straight into a hedge of sharp nettles. “The officers just followed the sound of screaming,” said a police spokesman.

Following the recipe, after British celebrity chef Antony Worrall Thompson said in a magazine article that “the weed henbane is great in salads.” Thompson later said he had confused henbane with a different plant that does not cause convulsions, vomiting, and death.
Having it your way, after a Florida man called 911 to complain that Subway had left the sauce off his spicy Italian sandwich. He was arrested after calling a second time to complain that police were not responding.