Tough Love

My husband has a small penis. Help!

The Week — Fri, 17 May 2013 09:00:00 -0400

Dear Starshine,

My husband has a small penis. There, I've said it. We have an active sex life, and he is really good with his hands, so he thinks that as long as he's giving me orgasms his size doesn't matter — but it's starting to. For me, orgasms aren't everything. Sometimes it's difficult to feel him, and I like a sensation of fullness. I don't know how to tell him this for fear of crushing him.

For the love of God, don't tell him! No, no, no, there's no reason to bring that up.

We're gonna work this out, but you have to promise not to criticize your husband's meager member. I...

Will my idiot mother-in-law turn my daughter into a dunce?

The Week — Fri, 10 May 2013 08:55:00 -0400

Dear Starshine,

My mother-in-law is dumb as a bag of hammers and actually dyes her hair blonde. However, she absolutely loves my toddler daughter. They get along famously — perhaps because of an intellectual equality the two may share — and play and squeal all day long. My daughter was fortunate enough to have her parents' intelligence passed on to her. She is quite clever and full of personality for a 15-month-old. My question is this: Is there any possibility, with prolonged exposer, that my mother-in-law could dumb down my daughter?

This can't be a real question. Is this a real...

I caught my boyfriend on Match.com again. Help!

The Week — Fri, 03 May 2013 09:00:00 -0400

Dear Starshine,

I've been dating the same man for more than seven years. In year three, I caught him on Match.com. He denied that he put himself on there, told me that the site just sends him emails, and assured me that he's in this relationship with both feet. OK, everyone deserves another chance. But I just caught him on Match again; the guff ball asked me for computer help and his message window opened up with 31 matches. Again he swore that it's just junk mail. But he is 66 and should know the difference between right and wrong. I do still love this man. Plus, he has money and helps my...

Is it ever okay to spank your kid?

The Week — Fri, 26 Apr 2013 09:00:00 -0400

Dear Starshine,

Recently, a video went viral of a father mercilessly beating his daughters with a cable wire. I saw it, and it's been haunting me. All the old memories of my childhood have flooded back. My father would dole out similar beatings to my brother and I. We have permanent scars on our backs, chests, and legs to prove it. My wife Becky is pregnant with our first child, and we've been discussing how to raise our daughter; we want to be on the same page about discipline. Becky feels that an occasional whack or spanking is acceptable as long as it's done as a last resort and not past the...

Am I a fool to give my drunken, cheating, abusive ex another chance?

The Week — Fri, 19 Apr 2013 09:00:00 -0400

Dear Starshine,

I left my controlling, abusive ex a year ago. We have two small boys together. I met him when I was 16 and left him at age 24 due to his drinking, cheating, and domestic violence. I'm not in love with him anymore, but will always have a spot in my heart for him as the father of our children. A part of me misses him and wonders if things would work if we gave it another shot and acted as adults instead of immature children. The only way to find out would be to give us another try... but I'm wondering if my heart, soul, and sanity could handle it if we didn't work out, or if things...

My mother-in-law is a demon. Help!

The Week — Fri, 12 Apr 2013 09:00:00 -0400

Dear Starshine,

I haven't spoken to my drama-queen mother-in-law for nearly three years. It dates back to the time she visited my husband and me when we had been married for two years, and told him that I was using him, that she didn't think I had ever loved him, and that he should divorce me and come live with her. She claimed that his old high-school job was waiting for him, and that she had remodeled his old room. Now whenever my in-laws visit, I go home to see my family. My husband still visits his parents at their home a few times a year without me. He thinks I should just get over it...

I'm addicted to TV. Help!

The Week — Fri, 05 Apr 2013 09:00:00 -0400

Dear Starshine,

I'm a college student, and a TV addict. I watch entire series in less than two weeks. I plan events around television schedules. I set shows to record weeks in advance. I crave new episodes of my usual shows, and fill the time in between with other shows. I follow TV websites, subscribe to entertainment magazines, and follow the stars, writers, and directors of the shows on Twitter/Facebook/Tumblr. I mean, I do other things besides watch TV: I work, and go to school, and have a social life. But my TV habit is greatly impacting my grades, and I need to make education my priority...

My stepson is a porn star. Help!

The Week — Fri, 29 Mar 2013 09:00:00 -0400

Dear Starshine,

I recently learned that my 24-year-old stepson "Alex," whom I helped raise, is an actor in the porn industry. He's been doing this for several years and there are numerous videos of him online engaging in sexual acts. When I found out I was sad and appalled. I called Alex and he said it was true. I haven't spoken to him since; I just can't bring myself to. The problem is I have two other sons, "Kurt," 13, and "Kyle," 14. Alex, who lives across the country, invited them to spend a week with him at his house. The boys have been out to see him several times in the past few years...

I took photos of a celebrity cheating on his wife. Should I sell them?

The Week — Fri, 22 Mar 2013 09:00:00 -0400

Dear Starshine,

Last year when I was visiting relatives in the Philippines I spotted a very well known American actor in a popular mall. Although he was wearing sunglasses and a cap, I recognized him immediately. He was with an attractive woman and they were holding hands and kissing. On an impulse, I discreetly took pictures of them. When I returned home, I showed them to my wife, who informed me that this actor has been married with children for years and that the woman in the photos is not his wife. We shook our heads, chuckled, and forgot about it. Then a couple of weeks ago, my daughter,...

My friends prefer smoking pot to talking to me. Help!

The Week — Fri, 15 Mar 2013 08:55:00 -0400

Dear Starshine,

Is it normal for adults (late 20, early 30s) to leave a restaurant table before the main course to smoke weed in an alleyway? Because recently, my dining companions did just that. I'm not a stodgy grump with weed phobias, but I find the action of removing oneself from an evening of drinks and dining with friends to smoke a J rather rude, and I'm taking it personally. Is my conversation so dull and unappealing that you must get stoned to tolerate it? I'm thinking of extracting myself from future dining adventures with these "friends" in favor of those who enjoy my company in...

I can never remember my boyfriend's name during sex. Help!

The Week — Fri, 08 Mar 2013 08:55:00 -0500

Dear Starshine,

Any recommendations for how to remember your lover's name in bed? After nearly four years with the same guy, I've got a new one. And I cannot for the life of me remember his name when we're in the throes of it — and have to stop myself from using the last one's name. I get stuck saying "oh, babe" so that I don't accidentally yell, "oh, Mike" (ex's name) instead of "oh, Steve" (new guy). I'm constantly terrified. Suggestions?

Hold on just a sec. You want me to rustle up sympathy because there are too many men making you wail in ecstasy? OK, look, I'm going to help you, but...

My fat boyfriend won't lose weight. Help!

The Week — Fri, 01 Mar 2013 09:00:00 -0500

Dear Starshine,

My boyfriend — let's call him Pete — and I have been together for three years, and are engaged to be married. Pete was chubby when I met him, and has gained 40 pounds since we've been a couple. I was chubby when we met, too. But in the past 15 months, through diet and rigorous exercise, I've become slim and toned. I simply wanted to be healthy and have more energy — and my attraction to Pete has not waned. But recently, he was taken to the ER with chest pains, diagnosed with high blood pressure, and advised by his doctor to lose weight. Although I love my...

My crazy friend invited herself on vacation with me. Help!

The Week — Fri, 22 Feb 2013 09:15:00 -0500

Dear Starshine,

I have organized a trip for the past seven years with a great group of friends, but my oldest friend since childhood has never been invited because distance has grown between us, my husband does not enjoy her company, and another close friend has married my oldest friend's ex. Last year, my old friend called the place where we vacation and made arrangements to be there the same weekend as us (she knew through a mutual friend that we were going). She then invited me as if she had no clue I was going, and then invited other families, too. I was shocked.....

How do I tell people I don't want kids?

The Week — Fri, 15 Feb 2013 09:00:00 -0500

Dear Starshine,

My husband and I don't have children. We don't want any. Yet I find it awkward when people ask whether we have kids. When I say "no," they might think I want them but am unable to have them (people tend to look sympathetic) or people assume that I'll change my mind, and tell me so. (Despite my age, I still look like I'm in prime child-bearing years. Yay, me?) Some people flat-out ask why we don't have kids, and I've tried different answers. (I'll say, "Don't want them" only to be asked why, even though "don't want them" is reason enough; "I'd be a horrible mom," I say with a smile...

My buddy invited his pregnant wife to Guys' Night. Help!

The Week — Fri, 08 Feb 2013 09:05:00 -0500

Dear Starshine,

I'm organizing a trip to see a hockey game with a bunch of male friends. Once I'd sent round an email about it, one of the newer members of the group replied saying he'd love to come — and so would his wife. I didn't explicitly call it a "guys' night," but all the invitees were male, so I had assumed it was implied. Can we ask him to leave his wife at home, or should we just extend the invite to all our wives and girlfriends? His wife is five months pregnant, which makes it all the more difficult to tell her she can't come.

Let me say up front that I adore women. Some...

How do I tell someone I love they have bad breath?

The Week — Fri, 01 Feb 2013 09:00:00 -0500

Dear Starshine,

How would you tell someone you love that they have bad breath?

It depends: Do they love you back? Because let's face it, nobody wants to hear that.

But if you must, there are thoughtful ways to convey the bad news. My best friend once offered me a mint and when I declined, she said, "You know… when a friend offers you a mint, you really should take it." I took the hint and the mint. I like that she cared enough to tell me what no one else would have, and to do it in a way that carefully avoided the words "your" and "breath" and "reeks right now."

How you tell them also...

I kinda sorta cheated on my boyfriend. Help!

The Week — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 09:00:00 -0500

Dear Starshine,

My ex and I recently got back together after trying to be apart for a while. We had some disagreements during the getting-back-together phase and one evening I decided to go out drinking with friends. Long story short, I had way too much to drink and all I remember is waking up the next morning. Friends told me about the hilarious things I did that I have no memory of. A very dear friend of mine told me that I kissed him and he was too drunk to stop me. It must have lasted a couple of minutes at most. I have absolutely no recollection of this but I have no reason to doubt my friend...

How do I get my wife to stop dressing me like a hipster?

The Week — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 09:05:00 -0500

Dear Starshine,

My wife basically dresses me. I'm in my 40s, and she's barely 30, so she has a completely different style than me. We mainly hang out with her friends, and they're all what you'd consider hipsters. She's taken to buying hipster clothing, and whenever I've deviated from wearing these things, I've caught hell, so I gave up. These clothes include skinny jeans, plaid shirts, cardigans, and thick-framed glasses. She even made me get a trendy haircut. The problem is, I'm my own man, and I don't really like this look. Even more, I feel that given my age, I shouldn't be trying to dress...

What should I do about my pot-smoking teenage son?

The Week — Fri, 11 Jan 2013 09:00:00 -0500

Dear Starshine,

What do you do when you find out your 16-year-old son is smoking pot?

Marijuana is on its way to being legalized in this country. (It's taking a long time, and if you've ever watched a pothead try to accomplish something, even open a new bag of Cheetos, you'll understand why). But it still won't be legal for 16-year-olds, and that's a good thing.

Like alcohol, pot poses some legitimate dangers for teens. So address it the way you would anything else that's both fun and potentially scary: Arm him with the information he needs to make intelligent choices. Sit your son down and...

How do I tell my crush I have herpes?

The Week — Thu, 03 Jan 2013 06:30:00 -0500

Dear Starshine,

I have had a crush on a gentleman for quite some time. If he ever asks me out and we become a couple, when should I tell him about my STD (Herpes II)? And, then ... HOW do I tell him? This has kept me single and alone for a long time because I just don't know how to do this.

Well, don't lead with the STD. There are things to tell a fella on your first date (you're a vegetarian, you have a teenage son, you've always wanted to see Spain) and then there are things to tell him before he's got your undies in his teeth (I have an incurable STD that gives me contagious...