It must be true... I read it in the tabloids
■ Chicago Alderman Howard Brookins Jr. will think twice before criticizing his city’s squirrels again. The politician went on a tirade last month about the “aggressive” fluffytailed rodents that scavenge in his ward’s trash cans. Just weeks later, Brookins was out bicycling when one of those squirrels ran into his path and got tangled in the spokes, causing the alderman to flip over the handlebars. Brookins fractured his skull, broke his nose, and knocked out several teeth in the crash; the squirrel died. “It was like a suicide bomber,” he said of the rodent, “getting revenge.”
■ A Georgia man is refusing to find out who won the presidential election. Joe Chandler says that on the day after the vote he woke up feeling happy and relaxed—and decided not to ruin his mood by finding out the result. Since then, the artist, who works from home, has avoided television, newspapers, and social media. When he leaves the house, he wears headphones and a sign asking people not to tell him who won. “It is very peaceful in my bubble of ignorance,” Chandler says.
■ A Japanese amusement park shut its ice rink after visitors kicked up a stink over its unusual decor: thousands of frozen fish. Space World theme park bought some 5,000 dead sprats, mackerel, and other fish from a market and embedded them in the ice—some with their mouths open as if in suspended animation. “We wanted customers to experience the feeling of skating on the sea,” said general manager Toshimi Takeda. Instead, critics lambasted the display on social media, calling it “tasteless,” “sinful,” and “a desecration of life.” The park is now replacing the ice and says it will hold a memorial service for the fish.