Bad week for:
Remaining calm, after police in Bothell, Wash., requested that residents please stop dialing 911 to report that they can’t log on to Facebook. “We will move mountains to help those in our community,” said a police spokesman. “However, we can’t fix Facebook.”
The price of gold, after astronomers observing the collision of two neutron stars in a distant galaxy estimated that $10 octillion worth of gold was created by the violent impact. Fortunately or unfortunately, the gold is 130 million light-years away.
Trick-or-treaters, after creationists in Kentucky began distributing fake $1 million bills to be given to kids on Halloween. “Have you ever lied, stolen, or used God’s name in vain?” the bills say. “The penalty for your crimes against God is death and eternal hell.”