It must be true...The best of the tabloids in 2017
■ An Arizona man has put his family ranch up for sale because he’s fed up with extraterrestrial intruders. John Edmonds claims he’s encountered dozens of aliens trespassing on his 10-acre desert property over the past 20 years, and that they once attempted to abduct his wife “and tried to draw her up into the craft.” Edmonds recommends that anyone interested in the $5 million ranch “be very well grounded, because the energy here has the tendency to manifest with whatever is going on with you.”
■ A New Jersey woman says her life is a “waking nightmare” because her name—Alexa Seary—sounds identical to the two most popular virtual assistants: Amazon Echo’s Alexa and Apple’s Siri. For years, says Seary (pronounced SEER-ey), 21, co-workers and friends have been giving her orders as if she were a machine. “It would be, ‘Siri, do this, Siri do that,’ and now they do the same thing with Alexa,” she says. Seary says she laughed the first few times, but the joke got old fast.
■ A Palestinian barber has developed an unusual way to straighten customers’ hair: He sets their locks on fire. Lacking reliable electricity for a hair dryer, Ramadan Edwan starts by pouring flammable powder and liquid onto a customer’s hair. He ignites the mixture with a lighter, and quickly styles the blazing hairdo with his hands and two combs. Edwan, 37, says his technique stimulates the scalp, because heat is “good for blood circulation.”
■ Brazil’s worst soccer team has started winning games—and its fans are furious. Íbis Sport’s supporters are proud of its reputation as the “worst team in the world” and were shocked when the club broke its two-year losing streak by winning three straight matches. Fans stormed a bar where players were celebrating and demanded they stop scoring goals. A fan complained Íbis was becoming “just another winning team,” adding, “It’s the coach’s fault.”