Good week/bad week
Good week for:
Sweet revenge, when an Indiana teenager bought every cupcake in a bakery after being fat-shamed by people in line behind her. Vega Blossom, 19, decided it was worth $54 after she heard a woman say, “Let’s hope this fat b---- doesn’t buy all the cupcakes.”
Relatability, after Britain’s Prince Charles shot down reports that he travels everywhere with his own personal toilet seat. “My own what?” said the 69-year-old prince. “Oh, don’t believe that crap!”
Miracles, with the improbable survival of a Frenchman whose heart stopped beating for 18 hours after a heart attack. The man was found unconscious by a river, and doctors say the low temperatures saved his brain and other organs from permanent damage.
Bad week for:
Fresh starts, when an Arizona couple about to close on their $1.7 million dream home pulled out of the deal after learning it had been used as a film set for the porn website “Wifey’s World.” “I just can’t make Thanksgiving dinner on counters where a porn star has been lounging around,” said almost-buyer Linda Fein.
Legal defenses, after a Florida woman allegedly told police that, yes, the bag of marijuana in her purse did belong to her, but that the bag of cocaine did not. “It’s a windy day,” protested Kennecia Posey, 26. “It must have flown through the window and into my purse.”
Students who saw Poltergeist, after Chicago officials proceeded with plans to build a new school on the grounds of an old poorhouse and insane asylum, where some 38,000 people were buried in unmarked graves. “It’s a spooky, scary place,” said researcher Barry Fleig. “There have been bodies found all over the place.”