It must be true…
I read it in the tabloids
An Alaskan bank robbery suspect left behind a big clue to his identity last week, handing a teller a holdup note written on the back of a welfare application form that listed his name and birth date. But police didn’t need that evidence to help track down alleged robber Michael Gale Nash. “He was sitting outside the bank counting his money when police arrived,” said an FBI spokeswoman. “This is probably the quickest [apprehension] in recent history.”
Police in Turkmenistan are inspecting bathrooms across the country and issuing warnings to any citizens found using newspaper photos of dictatorial President Gurbanguly Berdimuhamedov as toilet paper. Authorities will likely be inundated with cases, an opposition news site said, because Turkmens impoverished by Berdimuhamedov’s kleptocracy don’t have enough money to buy TP. But what they do have, it noted, are piles of state-run newspapers, “which Turkmens are forced to subscribe to.” The site added that it is difficult to wipe yourself with a Turkmen newspaper and not soil an image of Berdimuhamedov, because his picture appears on nearly every page.
An Indian engineer who has worked only 16 days in the past eight months has told his bosses that he cannot be disciplined because he’s the 10th incarnation of the Hindu god Vishnu. In response to criticism of his absences, Rameshchandra Fefar wrote to his manager to explain that he had been transformed into a deity and was “entering into the fifth dimension to change the global conscience. This work I cannot do in the office.” The government agency that employs Fefar said it had received his note, “and our administrative department is processing it.”