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July 16, 2014

On Tuesday night's Daily Show, Jon Stewart recapped the situation with the 52,000 kids — most of them escaping poverty and violence in Central America — who have been picked up trying to cross the U.S.-Mexico border since October. Then he addressed the Americans wondering why we can't just deport these children: "Well, first of all, what the f--k is wrong with you? These are children, why would you even ask that? And second of all, good question."

The answer, it seems, is that President George W. Bush signed a law in 2008 that prevented the immediate deportation of children not from Canada or Mexico. But Stewart wasn't done shaming those agitating for a quick send-off for a bunch of kids who didn't complete the complicated immigration paperwork. He saved special scorn for the protesters gathering near the detention facilities to confront busloads of scared children to "yell at them in a language they don't understand," and for Texas GOP Reps. Louie Gohmert and Blake Farenthold. He also mocked a long string of Republicans who publicly promote America as the "greatest country ever" then wonder why would-be immigrants believe them.

But Stewart actually ended with a gentler, more sweeping view of the latest immigration crisis: "We have always been a nation of immigrants who hate the newer immigrants," he concluded. Lady Liberty may look like a beacon of hope and freedom, "but the truth is, she's actually a bouncer." --Peter Weber

10:18 a.m. ET

Americans are getting fatter as airplane seats grow narrower, but a new House bill could mandate a minimum seat size to accommodate our increasing average girth.

The descriptively named Seat Egress in Air Travel Act (SEAT Act), introduced by Rep. Steve Cohen (D-Tenn.), would require the Federal Aviation Administration to determine minimum measurements for plane seats. In addition to issues of comfort, Cohen argues that bigger seats are safer in the event of an emergency and can help prevent deep vein thrombosis on long flights.

While seat widths have slightly shrunk over the years, new innovations tend to focus on the front-to-back space a seat takes up, and especially the padding bulk. Meanwhile, some airlines, most famously Southwest, already offer the opportunity to purchase two seats for "customers of size" who find a single chair too restrictive. Bonnie Kristian

9:43 a.m. ET

At first glance, you might think Donald Trump would be thrilled to be played by an Oscar-nominated actor like Johnny Depp in a biopic chronicling his life — but when that biopic turns out to be the latest Funny or Die project, the results are less than flattering.

Depp stars in Funny or Die's scathingly parodic The Art of the Deal, which presents itself as a long-lost, made-for-TV adaptation of Trump's 1987 bestseller of the same name. True to the era, The Art of the Deal features plenty of '80s icons, including Christopher Lloyd, ALF, and "Danger Zone" legend Kenny Loggins, who performs the theme song. Of course, the real draw is Depp, whose rubbery, mush-mouthed take on Trump is suspiciously similar to his take on gangster Whitey Bulger in Black Mass:

If you're ready for The Art of the Deal, you can watch the whole movie (which clocks in at 50 minutes) at Funny or Die. Scott Meslow

9:35 a.m. ET

San Antonio Spurs head coach Gregg Popovich's response to finding out who won the New Hampshire primary Tuesday night was spot on — and he didn't even utter a word.

TNT reporter David Aldridge managed to slip in the political question at the end of courtside interview with Popovich by asking him he if he wants to know the election results. "Yeah, who is it?" Popovich asks. "[Bernie] Sanders and [Donald] Trump," Aldridge responds.

Popovich is silent. He looks at Aldridge, shakes his head in utter disbelief, and then just walks away. Watch it. Becca Stanek

9:14 a.m. ET
Matt Winkelmeyer/Getty Images

Screenwriter Aaron Sorkin will adapt Harper Lee's To Kill a Mockingbird for Broadway, The New York Times reports.

"It lives a little bit differently in everybody's imagination in the way a great novel ought to, and then along I come," Sorkin said. "I'm not the equal of Harper Lee. No one is."

Sorkin was signed by producer Scott Rudin, who attained the stage adaptation rights that Lee had apparently long been reluctant to grant. The two men have worked together on films including The Social Network, Moneyball, and Steve Jobs. The play is scheduled to open in 2017.

In a sentiment the entire world is bound to echo, Sorkin's teenage daughter has already advised him "not to blow it." Julie Kliegman

9:12 a.m. ET

Jeb Bush is heading into his next campaign stop in South Carolina with a little help from older brother George W. Bush. In what will mark George W. Bush's first-ever campaign ad for current Republican presidential candidate Jeb Bush, the 43rd president will begin hitting the South Carolina airwaves Wednesday in a spot targeted at conservative talk radio stations. Take a listen:

"Jeb has dealt with crises as the governor of Florida, and he did so with steadiness, and a calmness necessary in a good leader," the former president says in the ad entitled "Steady Hand." "He respects the military — he honors their families. He can make the tough decision to keep Americans safe and our country free. And in a time of crisis, he will be a steady hand."

The ad marks the start of George W. Bush's increased involvement in his brother's campaign. He is also expected to make an appearance on the campaign trail in South Carolina sometime before next week's Feb. 20 primary. Becca Stanek

8:54 a.m. ET
Andrew Burton/Getty Images

Coming off of a strong second-place showing in New Hampshire's Republican primary, Ohio Gov. John Kasich said Wednesday he doesn't plan on slowing down.

"We're going to go through South Carolina, ultimately to the Midwest. This is a long, long race." Kasich said on Good Morning America. "Everybody always underestimates me."

Kasich also vowed to not only unite the Republican Party, but also to get some cross-party appeal should he beat the odds and make it to the general election.

"We can attract the Democrats," he said. "We're Americans before we're Republicans and Democrats." Julie Kliegman

8:41 a.m. ET
Alex Wong/Getty Images

Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev.) may want Hillary Clinton to be the next president, but he hasn't endorsed her over Bernie Sanders in the Democratic primary, even as Sanders has proven himself a more formidable contender than originally expected.

On Feb. 20, Democrats in his home state will be the third to weigh in on the nomination process, and the senator doesn't want to interfere with the caucus' turnout.

"I'm more concentrated on what effect my endorsement has in Nevada, OK? Eight years ago, we registered 30- to 40,000 new Democrats. Tens of thousands, it was unheard of," Reid told Politico. "For me to endorse somebody would just take away the focus on the caucus."

So Reid is tiptoeing around Sanders, making a more concerted effort than many of his colleagues to not criticize the Vermont senator.

"He is very protective of his early first-in-the-West status. He worked hard to get it," said Sen. Claire McCaskill (D-Mo.). Julie Kliegman

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